Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Tolerance (tasamuh).
Remember that husband and wife, however compatible, will 
always be two different people. Live and let live-do not try to force somebody else to be 
what they are not; it never works, and only causes resentment. Accept people for what they 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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are and love them 'warts and all.' Be tolerant, forgiving, and understanding, as far as you 
are able. 
`O you who believe! Some of your spouses and children can be your foes, so be 
careful with them. Yet if you pardon and forgive them, Allah will likewise be forgiving and 
merciful.' (64:14) 
'Seek reconciliation with those who avoid you, give to those who withhold from you, 
and forgive those who deal with you unjustly.' (Hadith in Khara'iti) 
'I was sent only to perfect the noble qualities of character.' (Hadith in Malik, 
Muwatta') 
'You will not be able to suffice all people with your wealth; suffice them therefore 
with a cheerful face and goodness of character.' (Hadith in Hakim, Mustadrak) 
'Whichever man is patient with the bad character of his wife shall be given a reward 
like unto that which Job shall receive; and whichever woman is patient with the bad 
character of her husband shall be given a reward like that of Asiya the (believing) wife of 
Pharoah.' (Al-Ghazali) 
Treading
. A form of massage very common in the Subcontinent, where one partner 
lies face down and the other 'walks' up and down on them. It is very pleasurable and 
beneficial, but be careful-the skill has to be learnt. One can usually tread successfully on 
shoulders, the lower back, buttocks and thighs. Get someone to teach you, or, failing that, 
buy a massage book. The person doing the treading usually rests on a table, or has a pole 
(such as a broom handle) to balance with. 
Unisex.
The Blessed Prophet had a great respect for natural distinctions. He did not 
like 'men who try to resemble women, and women who try to resemble men.' (Bukhari.) Be 
proud of your gender, and ask yourself whether you have the virtues specific to your sex, as 
exemplified in the lives of the great male and female Companions. There is nothing more 
pathetic than the sight of 'soft' modern males, who often infuriate their wives through their 
lack of decisiveness and leadership. Similarly, the decline of femininity has deprived many 
societies of the most indispensable reservoir of gentleness and beauty. Keep the poles 
magnetised if you want real attraction to continue between you! 
Washing.
Allah has ordained that ghusl should be carried out (a) after sexual 
intercourse (meaning penetration of the penis beyond its head), or whenever an orgasm has 
occurred in men and women); (b) after menstruation; (c) after post-childbirth bleeding. 
(2:222; 4:43; 5:7.) This involves making a niyyah, washing off impurities, cleaning the 
private parts, and then pouring pure water over the entire body and rubbing it at least 
once. As regards ladies' hair, three handfuls thrown on the head are sufficient; it is not 
necessary for the plaits to be undone. Warm water can be used; it is preferred to offer 
two rakahs upon completion. 
The recorded Sunnah is that if a man wishes to have sex a second time before 
he has carried out his ghusl, he should wash his genitals first. If he had a wet dream, 
or urinated, he should likewise wash them before having intercourse. There are, 
however, some traditions from A'ishah that suggest that the Prophet (P.B.U.H) 
sometimes slept in the state of janabah without having touched any water. 
It is worth pointing out that few partners are attracted by the thought of 
intimacy with a dirty or smelly person. Wash private parts thoroughly before intimacy 
with a nice scented soap. If you find your partner is dirty, suggest that you wash or 
sponge them yourself, as part of your intimacy This usually avoids hurt feelings. The 
Prophet's P.B.U.H Sunnah was to apply a dab of perfume, (but not over-powering).