Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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Any man who embarks on the adventure of polygamy knows that there will be 
tensions and stresses caused by the inescapable friction of more than one woman in the 
household. When the Muqawqis of Egypt sent the Prophet two attractive Coptic Christian 
girls, the strain on the wives' selfless acceptance of their husband's wishes was considerable. 
Of course, taking a concubine was not regarded as in any way abnormal or wrong at the 
time; but any woman who loves her husband would feel disappointed if she felt that she had 
not been able to fill his loving thoughts entirely. 
Tradition states that one of these girls, Shirin, was given to the Prophet's friend 
Hassan ibn Thabit, while the second, Maryah, was taken by the Prophet (P.B.U.H) to Umm 
Sulaym. As with the case of Raihanah, it is not certain whether or not the Prophet married 
her. Some argue that the Prophet (P.B.U.H) did not take concubines but only wives; but 
many books number the Prophet's wives as nine when he died, which would mean that 
Maryah and Raihanah were only concubines. Allah knows best. Ibn Abbas states that the 
Prophet P.B.U.H) gave Maryah a home with the Nafir tribe where he had some property, and 
she used to spend the summer there, where the Blessed Prophet would visit her. 
Other traditions suggest that he visited Maryah everyday, and she soon became 
pregnant. None of the wives apart from Khadijah had ever given the Blessed Prophet a child, 
although there is a tradition that A'ishah once miscarried; and inevitably this caused stress. 
Tempers were strained, and about this time rows broke out in the household concerning the 
sharing-out of the meagre items of war spoils that they were allowed to have. Umar heard 
the racket coming from the women's quarters, recognised the voices of A'ishah and his 
daughter Hafsah, and was horrified. He was already worried that Hafsah was getting out of 
hand, and had told her to control her jealousy and accept the fact that she was not be 
beautiful as A'ishah, and that if she provoked the Prophet (P.B.U.H) too much, he would cast 
her aside. 
The women became so vociferous about Maryah that the Prophet wearily promised 
not to go to her again. But things did not improve, and finally the atmosphere became so 
strained that the Prophet withdrew completely from all his wives, and went into seclusion. 
The Muslim community was appalled, for this was no mere domestic crisis. Many 
political and tribal alliances would have been jeopardised if he divorced them. 
At first the Prophet (P.B.U.H) refused to see even Umar, and when he finally 
admitted him to his room, Umar found him lying on a rush mat which had left marks 
imprinted on his cheek. In the end, the Prophet (P.B.U.H) received a revelation stating that 
he should give all his wives a free choice. The Verse of the Option (33:28-9) stipulated that 
they should either accept his terms and live the kind of Islamic life he required, giving him 
the time he needed for worship and the administration of the community, or, if they felt 
they could not do this, to take an amicable and blameless divorce. 
The Blessed Prophet stayed away from his wives for a month. At the end of twenty-
nine days, he ended his seclusion and went first to the house of A'ishah, who greeted him 
with the words: 'O Allah's Messenger, you said you would not come back for a month, but 
there is still a day to go. Only twenty-nine days have passed. I have been counting them one 
by one.' The Prophet (P.B.U.H) pointed out that this month had only twenty-nine days. Then 
A'ishah added: 'Then Allah revealed the Verse of the Option. And out of all his wives, he 
asked me first; and I chose him.' 
He gave this option to all his wives. Part of the 'choice' involved abandoning sexual 
relations with several of the wives for whom there was no physical attraction. Although the 
Blessed Prophet was a vigorous man, he was over sixty; yet he also realised that he needed 
to be just to all his wives in his marital relationship. Far from accepting that this was 
perfectly all right, and that they should just put up with things and be grateful that he had 
at least given them a home, he took their physical needs into account and did something 
about it. 
The wives for whom he had never felt any physical attraction were given the 
opportunity to be released from marriage with him if they wished. But so much did they 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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