Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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In Islam, this concession to the man is of vital importance. It is part of God's plan, 
part of His ordinance. It was ordained long before the revelation to the Prophet 
Muhammad(P.B.U.H). It was stressed in Christianity as well: for instance in one Christian 
text we read: 'Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as if to the Lord, because a 
husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the congregation.' (Ephesians, 5:22-24.) 
In His final religion, Allah has requested that wives obey their husbands and pay 
them respect in every matter that does not conflict with His will. Indeed, the Holy Prophet 
once said that if it had been possible for him to order a human being to bow down to any 
other human being, he would have asked wives to bow down to their husbands! He could 
not ask this, of course, for only God has that privilege and right; but it pointed to his deep 
desire for a happy family relationship in which the husband was definitely the boss! 
However, before wives close this book in irritation and accuse it of blindly supporting 
rampant male chauvinism (the view that men are always superior to women, because that is 
the way things are!), let us make it quite clear that chauvinism, and arrogance, and refusal 
to listen the other's point of view, have nothing to do with Islam. 
A good Muslim husband is not chauvinistic or arrogant, or puffed-up with his own 
opinion of himself. He is also under authority, don't forget-the highest Authority of all. That 
Authority has commanded him to be humble, modest, gentle, kind and compassionate. It 
has not required him to go bumbling around issuing orders right, left and centre, the whole 
object of which might seem to be to get out of doing work himself, or to see all the 
activities of the members of his household centred around his own comforts and pleasures. 
Muslim husbands have the Blessed Prophet himself as their example, and they are 
expected to try to be like him; and to the extent that they succeed in being like him, do we 
find the respect issuing naturally from their Muslim wives. The more civil and kind a Muslim 
is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is, and the more worthy of being her leader. 
Most men, when they first marry, have to learn how to take hold of that position of 
authority. They have usually not been in such a position before, but were merely young men 
in someone else's household. They may never have held the position of boss at work, or in 
the office, or in the factory. They may have little or no idea about 'public relations' 
exercises and tactics, and so may well go blundering into terrible staff revolts, strikes and 
other difficulties and dissatisfactions. The new husband has to realise that when he has just 
been promoted to a position of `boss' of a household, he has to learn the skills, or he will 
encounter the same staff problems. 
Let us consider a few of them. First and foremost, I suppose, the 'workers' like to see 
their boss being fair, honest and of sound judgement. These things are absolutely vital. The 
moment a boss is known to be unfair, incapable or dishonest he is in for big trouble. People 
will see nothing wrong in their own dishonesty, getting away with whatever they can. 
Honesty is the key. Without it, the rest of one's religion is worthless. 
How can a wife truly respect her husband (or vice versa), when she knows he lies, 
fakes illness, fiddles the tax returns, or even pinches things? 
'People make long prayers to Allah although their food is haram, their drink is 
haram, and their clothes are haram. How can their prayers be accepted?' (Hadith in Muslim 
and Tirmidhi) 
Imam al-Ghazali records: 'When a certain man went out of his house, his wife and 
his daughter would say to him: "Beware of illegal earning, for we can endure hunger and 
hardship, but we cannot endure the Fire." ' 
As for the incapable boss, once workers take the point of view that he is an idiot 
who is going to make a mess of things, they start looking out for themselves to make sure 
that they, at least, come out of it all right. Next, the boss must never exploit his 
workforce, or expect unreasonable things of them. Loyal workers will labour way over and 
above the call of duty for a manager who is decent, just, and gives them fair reward. Once 
they begin to feel exploited, trouble starts. The first thought is usually to consider if it is 
worthwhile financially continuing in such a job, if one is slaving away all hours for a 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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