Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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pittance, and others are getting preferential treatment over you, and so on. 'He who 
cheats us is not one of us.' (Muslim.) 
There are so many forms of exploitation in the workplace-. And there are so many in 
marriage. The husband who is 'out at work' from, say, nine to five, and then comes home 
and puts his feet up for the rest of the evening while his wife continues to work has 
forgotten something-she was also working nine to five, and very likely started long before 
that. This applies not only when the wife has a job outside the house, but also when she is 
working in the house. 
Many men find this hard to grasp, for some reason. The simple way to prove it would 
be for the wife to leave him for a few weeks and let the household run down, as it would 
swiftly do; and then suggest that perhaps the husband should sort it out by hiring someone 
to come and take over the wife's jobs. 
As we have seen it was not the Prophet's sunnah to sit back and watch his wives 
getting exhausted in his service. 
The boss that really draws out loyalty from his staff is the one who shows his own 
self-sacrifice. He is prepared to get his hands dirty. He will not ask anyone to do what he 
would not be prepared to do himself. 
'An employer should not ask a worker to do anything beyond his capacity. If that 
which the employer demands is necessary, then he himself should lend a helping hand to the 
worker.' (Bukhari) 
He will not sit behind the closed door with his feet on the desk, but will be a worker 
alongside the other workers (bearing in mind his rank and job-differentials, of course). He 
will not exploit or abuse his staff, and-very important-he will pay them their due, justly and 
in good time. 
The Blessed Prophet was very clear on all this: 'Give the worker his wage before his 
sweat dries.' (Ibn Maja.) Husbands usually understand all this as regards their place of 
employment, but many need to realise that the main worker within the family is the wife. 
She must never be taken for granted-for her payment is so often not money at all, but being 
noticed, appreciated, and loved. 
Due to his imperfection and selfishness, there are many times when the husband, 
while wanting very much to be respected as the head of the family, fails to show the 
needed consideration and love to his wife, and thus 'shoots himself in the foot.' 
No matter how much a man may actually love his wife, if he doesn't show it, she will 
not feel loved. No matter how much he does appreciate her, if he doesn't show it, she will 
not feel appreciated. She may deduce from his attitude that the only things that matter to 
him are his own pleasure and satisfaction. 
'Among my followers the best of men are those who are best to their wives, and the 
best of women are those who are best to their husbands. To each of such women is set down 
a reward equivalent to the reward of a thousand martyrs. Among my followers, again, the 
best of women are those who assist their husbands in their work, and love them dearly for 
everything, save what is transgression of Allah's laws.' (Cited in Doi, Women in Shari'ah, 9) 
What else makes bosses unpopular with the workers? When they are domineering. To 
gain respect, a man has to show himself steady and strong and able to take decisions, but 
that does not mean that no-one else is ever to be consulted, or that no-one else's opinion 
counts, or that the wife's opinion should never be seriously considered because it doesn't 
happen to agree with the husband's. 
Of course, this does not mean that a husband has to put himself out all the time 
making himself a slave to his wife's wishes. A domineering wife is worse than a 
domineering husband! Moreover, wives do not usually appreciate a man who abuses his 
position of headship by leaving everything to her, and passing over to her all the decision-
making. When that happens, the wife soon begins to wonder what use the husband is, and 
whether she might not actually manage better without him. 
If the answer to the question, 'What is your husband for?' is along the lines of 'making 
a mess, creating chores and problems, filling up space, making you do things you don't want 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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