Shepherding a Child's Heart

Discipline: Corrective, Not Punitive

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If correction orbits around the parent who has been offended, then
the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance. The
function is punitive. If, however, correction orbits around God as the
one offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial.
It is designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path
of obedience. It is corrective.
Discipline: An Expression of Love
Making small talk during a coffee break at a pastor’s conference, I
overheard someone else’s conversation. Two fathers were talking
about their children and I couldn’t resist listening in.
“I’m too hard on them,” commented Dad #1. “I discipline them all
the time. I really have to; my wife loves them too much to discipline
them.”
“I guess you and your wife need to strike some sort of a balance,”
Dad #2 observed.
“Yes,” continued Dad #1 reflectively. “We need some balance
between discipline and love.”
I almost choked on my doughnut! Balance discipline and love? I
thought of Proverbs 3:12: “ … the Lord disciplines those he loves, as
a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 13:24 rushed to mind: “He
who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to
discipline him.” Revelation 3:19: “Those whom I love, I rebuke and
discipline.” How can you balance discipline and love? Discipline is an
expression of love.
The conversation that I overheard is not uncommon. Many parents
lack a biblical view of discipline. They tend to think of discipline as
revenge—getting even with the children for what they did. Hebrews
12 makes it clear that discipline is not punitive, but corrective.
Hebrews 12 calls discipline a word of encouragement that addresses
sons. It says discipline is a sign of God’s identification with us as our
Father. God disciplines us for our good that we might share in his
holiness. It says that while discipline is not pleasant, but painful, it

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yields a harvest of righteousness and peace. Rather than being
something to balance love, it is the deepest expression of love.
God provides the understanding of what discipline is. Its function is
not primarily punitive. It is corrective. The primary thrust of
discipline is not to take revenge, but to correct. The discipline of a
child is a parent refusing to be a willing party to his child’s death
(Proverbs 19:18).
What makes this idea so hard to get hold of? It is difficult because
of what we discussed above. We don’t see ourselves as God’s agents.
We, therefore, correct our children when they irritate us. When their
behavior doesn’t irritate us, we don’t correct them. Thus, our
correction is not us rescuing our children from the path of danger; it
is rather us airing our frustration. It is us saying to them, “I am fed up
with you. You are making me mad. I am going to hit you, or yell at
you, or make you sit on a chair in isolation from the family until you
figure out what you did wrong.”
What I have just described is not discipline. It is punishment. It is
ungodly child abuse. Rather than yielding a harvest of righteousness
and peace, this sort of treatment leaves children sullen and angry. Is it
any wonder that children resist the will of someone who moves
against them because they have been an irritation?
Discipline as positive instruction rather than negative punishment
does not rule out consequences or outcomes of behavior.
Consequences and outcomes of behavior are certainly part of the
process God uses to chasten his people. The Bible illustrates the
power of proper outcomes to show blessing on obedience and the
destruction that comes with sin and disobedience. We will look at this
more later.
While it is true that disciplined children are a joy to their parents
(Proverbs 23:15–16, 24), as God’s agents you cannot discipline for
mere matters of self-interest or personal convenience. Your
correction must be tied to the principles and absolutes of the Word of

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God. The issues of discipline are issues of character development and
honoring God. It is God’s non-negotiable standard that fuels
correction and discipline.
Your objective in discipline is to move toward your children, not
against them. You move toward them with the reproofs and entreaties
of life. Discipline has a corrective objective. It is therapeutic, not
penal. It is designed to produce growth, not pain.
There are other parenting issues with which to be concerned. You
must understand more than what it means to function as God’s agent.
You must be concerned with more than the nature of discipline.
Parents must be goal-directed. In the next chapter we will explore the
issue of parenting goals. What are biblical goals for parenting? What
things have we adopted from our culture that we must assess and
address?