Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Problem of Phariseeism
The alternative to addressing character issues in your children is
to structure things around rules. You then produce children who learn

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to keep the rules. They become smug and self-righteous. They
become modern Pharisees whose cup is washed and clean on the
outside, but is filthy on the inside.
George, a second-grader in the local Christian school, was an
example of this phariseeism. His parents had taught him to obey. In
class, he kept the rules. He did his work. He would never speak out or
get out of his seat without permission. He was well behaved. The
outside of the cup was clean. Inside, George harbored many wicked
attitudes. He obviously thought of himself as better than all the kids
who needed periodic correction. He was intolerant of being sinned
against. He extended forgiveness in a condescending manner. He had
no sense of his own sinfulness or need of Christ. He was blind to his
selfish and proud attitudes. He was unable to see that even his good
behavior required repentance, because it was not a reflection of loving
God and others; it reflected pride and self-righteousness.
George’s parents were lovely people who loved their son. They
had trained him carefully. But, they had dealt with external issues of
behavior without addressing the issues of the heart. George saw sin as
external things, like not obeying the teacher. He did not see his self-
absorbed lack of concern for anyone but himself as sin.
In this middle period of childrearing, we must address the issue of
character.
Three-Pronged Tool of Diagnosis
The next chapter explores the “how-to’s” of addressing the heart
and the conscience. Before we examine the process of addressing the
character, we will look at a tool of analysis or diagnosis.
You need some way to look at your children and understand their
needs. You need some comprehensive way to organize the things that
make up their personalities. You need a grid on which to chart
strengths and weaknesses, so that you can zero in on their real needs.
This tool is both simple enough to be useful and comprehensive

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enough to be helpful. Every six months or so, make this sort of
analysis and diagnosis of the needs of your children.