Shepherding a Child's Heart

Chapter 16
Childhood: Training Objectives
The day arrived for our first child to go to school. We were
confident of his success. We had been working on obedience for
several years. He had learned to obey us without challenge, without
excuse, without delay.
We did all the preparation rituals. We went shopping for all the
usual school supplies. We bought a lunch pail and a thermos. We
located a book bag his size and furnished it with pencils, erasers,
paper, and crayons. We got some sturdy school clothes. We were sure
we had prepared him in every way.
We found, to our chagrin, that our preparation was inadequate. We
did okay with the shopping trip; it was our training that was
inadequate. We had taught our son to obey us. The problem was we
weren’t there to give direction. There were many situations—on the
school bus, during free play timeplaytime, and in the lunchroom—
when he needed guidance. We began to realize that we had to have
different training objectives for this new period of his life.
Childhood
I am using the word childhood to refer to the middle period of a
child’s life. Chronologically, it is ages five to twelve. It is the
elementary school years. It is the period of time we usually think of
when we think about “childhood.” It is the time between starting
school and puberty.
New challenges confront the parent. The child is developing a
growing independence of choice and personality. The child is

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spending more time away from the direction and oversight of the
parents. He is confronted with experiences that parents cannot witness
or adjudicate.
Our children are developing a growing independence from us.
They think their own thoughts. They have their own ideas about what
is fun, what is challenging, and what is worthwhile. Their abilities are
defining their interests that express their developing individuality.
One day, when my boys, then ages six and eleven, decided to
make a coaster to ride down the hill beside our home, they went to the
shed, cut the boards, and assembled their little cart—all without help
from me! I was filled with a strange mix of emotions. I was proud of
them for being able to do it. Yet, somehow, I was saddened that they
could do it without me. I felt strangely displaced.
One Big Issue
Assume that you have taught your child the lesson of stage one.
He has come to see himself as a creature made by God, for God. He
has come to understand what it means to be under authority. He has
learned to obey, without challenge, without excuse, without delay. But
your child is now confronted with situations that cannot be reduced to
issues of obedience. How do you build on the foundation of
submission to parental authority?