Shepherding a Child's Heart

What If I Know My Child Is Lying to Me?
When you feel your child is lying, a good first course is to secure
an honest response through discussion. If that fails (and it often will),
you need to move to general discussion of the importance of integrity.
Remind your child that God requires integrity; that all things are laid
bare before him, and that we will all finally give account in his court.
Discuss the benefits of integrity in your relationship. Help your child
see how he benefits from integrity.
Sometimes, none of this will work. The child remains implacable.
What do you do? Do you call him a liar? Never! If you tell your
children that you don’t believe them, you will dishearten them. If they
become persuaded that you will never believe them, there is no reason
to talk or for future relationship. Refusing to call your children liars
and prizing your relationship with them encourages integrity. I have
been amazed at the degree of self-disclosure and even self-
incrimination my children have exhibited as a result of this.
If your child will not come clean about what he has done, then he

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will get away with it this time. That is sad, but your losses and his
losses are less if you walk away than if you call him a liar. If what he
has done reflects deceit, you will have other opportunities to address
it. It is much better to fail this time and preserve relationship than to
damage your relationship and fail to address the deceit as well.
What If I’m Not Sure What Happened?
If you are not sure and your child won’t tell you, then there is
nothing to do. There will be other times when you will be sure of what
happened. At those times you can deal with your child’s needs. If you
are not sure of what happened, how can you secure an
acknowledgment from your child (step 3 in the spanking procedure)?
How do I know what the issue of the heart is if the situation is
ambiguous? Your credibility increases if you will not discipline when
things are unclear.