Shepherding a Child's Heart

Application Questions for Chapter 16
1. How many questions can you generate under each of the
headings in our three-pronged diagnostic tool?
2. How often do you sit down and analyze your children in
terms of these three issues?
3. How would you articulate the difference between the goals
of stage one and the goals of stage two?
4. What are the specific character objectives that you have been
pursuing in your school-age children?

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5.
Have you ever felt, “If I had been there I could have
controlled my child, but I wasn’t there?”
6. Have you ever kept your child away from an activity because
you were afraid he would not be able to handle himself acceptably?
What can you do to equip him to function well independent of your
presence?

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Chapter 17
Childhood: Training Procedures
It is a sound every parent has heard. Children screaming at one
another. The scene, too, is familiar. Two children. One toy.
Every parent has a way of dealing with it. Most ask who had the
toy first, reducing it to an issue of justice. Some will holler for the
children to “share” or “be nice.” Some parents get out the timer.
“Okay, you get it for ten minutes and then your brother gets it for ten
minutes.”
Some disregard the screaming, persuaded that children will fight
less if their fights are ignored. Still others console themselves with
the time-worn idea that all brothers and sisters fight, therefore it is
something they will outgrow.
Most parents walk away from scenes like this convinced that there
must be a better way. They wonder if there is some satisfying way to
deal with these disputes—some way that addresses the real needs of
their children.
What is the better way? You can’t simply appeal to the physical
—“Do you want a spanking?” You can’t simply appeal to the
emotions—“I don’t like you when you … ” or “You hurt my feelings
when you … ” You cannot simply address their love of things—“Do
you want me to take your toys away from you?” None of these
approaches produce lasting fruit because they do not address the heart
biblically. They do address the heart, but these approaches are
designed to use the idols of your child’s heart as a motivation for
acceptable behavior.

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Whatever motivates behavior trains the heart. If you motivate
with shame you teach your children to respond to shame. If you
motivate with emotional appeals you train them to respond to
emotional appeal. If you motivate with promises of material things
you train them to respond to material incentives. Many of us as
adults can see character weaknesses in ourselves that are tied to the
motivations offered to us as children.