The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

3. Confirm their self-opinion. Recall the universal qualities of
the self-opinions of people with a high self-opinion. Here’s how to
approach each one of them.
Autonomy.
No attempt at influence can ever work if people feel in
any way that they are being coerced or manipulated. They must choose
to do whatever it is you want them to do, or they must at least
experience it as their choice. The more deeply you can create this
impression, the greater your chances of success.
In the novel Tom Sawyer, the twelve-year-old protagonist of the
same name is portrayed as an extremely savvy boy, raised by his aunt,
with an uncanny sensitivity to human nature. Despite his cleverness,
Tom is always getting into trouble. The second chapter of the book
begins with Tom being punished for getting in a fight. Instead of
spending a hot summer Saturday afternoon messing around with his
friends and swimming in the river, Tom has to whitewash the very
large fence in the front of the house. As he starts the job, his friend Ben

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Rogers walks by, eating a delicious-looking apple. Ben is as
mischievous as Tom, and seeing him at this tedious chore, he decides
to torment him by asking him if he’s planning on going for a swim that
afternoon, knowing full well he can’t.
Tom pretends to feign deep interest in his work. Now Ben is
curious. He asks Tom if he’s seriously more interested in painting the
fence than in having some fun. Tom finally addresses him, while still
keeping an eye on his work. His aunt would not give such a job to just
anyone, he says. It is what people see first of their house when they
pass by. This is a very important job that won’t come up again for
many years. In the past he and his friends painted something on fences
and got into trouble; now he can do so freely. It is a challenge, a test of
skill. And yes, he enjoys it. Swimming can be done any old weekend,
but not this.
Ben asks if he can try his hand, to see what Tom means. After
several pleas, Tom finally relents, only after Ben offers him his apple.
Soon other boys approach and Tom does the same sell job on them,
accumulating more pieces of fruit and toys. An hour later, we see Tom
lying in the shade while a whole team of friends finishes the job for
him. Tom used basic psychology to get what he wanted. First, he got
Ben to reinterpret this job, not by saying anything but through his
absorbed attention in the task and his body language: the task must be
something interesting. Second, he framed the job as a test of skill and
intelligence, a rare opportunity, something that would appeal to any
competitive boy. And finally, as he knew, once the neighborhood boys
saw others at the task, they would want to join in, making it a group
activity. Nobody wanted to be left out. Tom could have pleaded with
dozens of friends to help him and gotten nowhere. Instead he framed it
in such a way that they wanted to do the work. They came to him,
begging for the job.
Your attempts at influence must always follow a similar logic: how
can you get others to perceive the favor you want to ask for as
something they already desire? Framing it as something pleasurable,
as a rare opportunity, and as something other people want to do will
generally have the proper effect.
Another variation on this is to appeal directly to people’s
competitive instincts. In 1948 the director Billy Wilder was casting for
his new film A Foreign Affair, which was to be set in Berlin just after

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the war. One of the main characters was a woman named Erika von
Shluetow, a German cabaret singer with suspicious ties to various
Nazis during the war. Wilder knew that Marlene Dietrich would be the
perfect actress to play the part, but Dietrich had publicly expressed her
intense dislike of anything having to do with the Nazis and had worked
hard for various Allied causes. When first approached about the role,
she found it too distasteful, and that was the end of the discussion.
Wilder did not protest or plead with her, which would have been
futile, given Dietrich’s famed stubbornness. Instead he told her he had
found two perfect American actresses to play the part, but he wanted
her opinion on which would be better. Would she view their tests?
Feeling bad that she had turned down her old friend Wilder, Dietrich
naturally agreed to this. But Wilder had cleverly tested two well-known
actresses whom he knew would be quite terrible for the role, making a
mockery of the part of a sexy German cabaret singer. The ploy worked
like a charm. The very competitive Dietrich was aghast at their
performances and immediately volunteered to do the part herself.
Finally, when giving people gifts or rewards as a possible means of
winning them over to your side, it is always best to give smaller gifts or
rewards than larger ones. Large gifts make it too apparent that you are
trying to buy their loyalty, which will offend people’s sense of
independence. Some might accept large gifts out of need, but later they
will feel resentful or suspicious. Smaller gifts have a better effect—
people can tell themselves they deserve such things and are not being
bought or bribed. In fact, such smaller rewards, spread out over time,
will bind people to you in a much greater way than anything lavish.