The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

The desire to fit in: Let us say that you enter a group, as part of a
new job for instance. As you try to adjust to the environment, you
become aware that people are scrutinizing and judging you as the
outsider. On a nonverbal level, you feel their eyes probing you for
clues. You begin to wonder: Do I fit in? Have I said the right things?
What do they think of me? The first and primary effect on you in any
group is the desire to fit in and cement your sense of belonging. The
more you fit in, the less you pose a challenge to the group and its
values. This will minimize the scrutiny you face and the anxiety that
comes with it.
The first way you do this is through appearances. You dress and
present yourself more or less as the others do in the group. There are
always a small percentage of people who like to stand out in their look
but manage to conform when it comes to ideas and values. Most of us,
however, are uncomfortable looking too different, and we do what we
can to blend in. We adopt the clothes and looks that say the right thing
—I’m serious, I work hard, I may have style but not so much of it that I
stand out.
The second and more important way you fit in is by adopting the
ideas, beliefs, and values of the group. You may begin to use similar
verbal expressions as others, a sign of what’s happening below the
surface. Your own ideas slowly shape themselves to those of the group.
Some people may outwardly rebel against such conformity, but they
are usually the types who are eventually fired or marginalized. You
may hold on to a few peculiar beliefs or opinions that you largely keep
to yourself, but not on issues important to the group. The longer you
are in the group, the stronger and more insidious this effect.
If you observed this group from the outside, you would notice an
overall uniformity of thinking that is quite surprising, considering that
as individuals we all differ quite a bit from one another in
temperament and background. This is a sign of the subtle molding and
conformity that takes place. You might have joined a group because
you share their ideas and values, but you will find over time that the