The 50th Law (with 50 Cent)

The Source of Human Aggression
Unlike any other animal, we humans are aware of our own mortality,
and that we could die at any moment. Consciously and unconsciously
this thought haunts us throughout our lives. We are aware that our
position in life is never secure—we can lose our job, our social status,
and our money, often for reasons beyond our control. The people
around us are equally unpredictable—we can never read their
thoughts, anticipate their actions, or totally rely on their support. We
are dependent on others, who often don’t come through. We have
certain innate desires for love, excitement, and stimulation, and it is
often beyond our control to satisfy these desires in the way we would
like. In addition, we all have certain insecurities that stem from
wounds in our childhood. If events or people trigger these insecurities
and reopen old wounds, we feel particularly vulnerable and weak.

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What this means is that we humans are continually plagued by
feelings of helplessness that come from many sources. If this feeling is
strong enough or lasts for too long, it can become unbearable. We are
willful creatures who crave power. This desire for power is not evil or
antisocial; it is a natural response to the awareness of our essential
weakness and vulnerability. In essence, what drives much of our
behavior is to have control over circumstances, to feel the connection
between what we do and what we get—to feel that we can influence
people and events to some extent. This mitigates our sense of
helplessness and makes the unpredictability of life tolerable.
We satisfy this need by developing solid work skills that help us
secure our career status and give us a feeling of control over the future.
We also try to develop social skills that allow us to work with other
people, earn their affection, and have a degree of influence over them.
When it comes to our needs for excitement and stimulation, we
generally choose to satisfy them through various activities—sports,
entertainment, seduction—that our culture provides or accepts.
All of these activities help us to have the control that we crave, but
they require that we recognize certain limits. To gain such power in our
work and relationships, we must be patient. We cannot force things. It
takes time to secure our career position, to develop genuine creative
powers, to learn how to influence people and charm them. It also
requires abiding by certain social codes and even laws. We cannot do
just anything to get ahead in our careers; we cannot force people to do
our bidding. We can call these codes and laws guardrails that we
carefully stay within in order to gain power while remaining liked and
respected.
In certain moments, however, we find it hard to accept these limits.
We cannot advance in our careers or make a lot of money as quickly as
we would like. We cannot get people to work with us to the degree that
we want them to, so we feel frustrated. Or perhaps an old wound from
childhood is suddenly reopened. If we anticipate that a partner could
be ending the relationship, and we have a great fear of being
abandoned stemming from parental coldness, we could easily
overreact and try to control him or her, using all of our manipulative
powers and turning quite aggressive. (Feelings of love often turn to
hostility and aggression in people, because it is in love that we feel
most dependent, vulnerable, and helpless.)

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In these cases, our hunger for more money, power, love, or
attention overwhelms any patience we might have had. We might then
be tempted to go outside the guardrails, to seek power and control in a
way that violates tacit codes and even laws. But for most of us, when
we cross the line, we feel uncomfortable and perhaps remorseful. We
scurry back to within the guardrails, to our normal ways of trying for
power and control. Such aggressive acts can occur at moments in our
lives, but they do not become a pattern.
This is not the case, however, with more chronically aggressive
types. The sense of helplessness or frustration that we may feel upon
occasion plagues them more deeply and more often. They feel
chronically insecure and fragile and must cover this with an inordinate
amount of power and control. Their need for power is too immediate
and strong for them to accept the limits, and overrides any sense of
compunction or social responsibility.
It is possible that there is a genetic component to this. The
psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, who specialized in the study of infants,
noticed that some babies were decidedly more anxious and greedier
than others. From their very first days, they would suckle on the
mother’s breast as if they were attacking it and wanting to suck it dry.
They needed more coddling and attention than others. Their crying
and tantrums were almost impossible to stop. They felt a higher degree
of helplessness that verged on continual hysteria.
Such babies were in the minority, but she noticed them often
enough. She speculated that those who are chronically aggressive could
be adult versions of the greedy baby. They are simply born with a
greater need to control everything around them. They brood more over
feelings of hurt or envy—“Why should other people have more than
me?” When they feel like they are losing control to any degree, their
tendency is to exaggerate the threat, to overreact and grab for much
more than is necessary.
It is also true that early family life can play a decisive role.
According to the psychoanalyst and writer Erich Fromm, if parents are
too domineering, if they repress their children’s need for power and
independence, such children are often the types who later like to
dominate and tyrannize others. If they were beaten as children, they
often resort to beating and physical abuse as adults. In this way, they
turn the enforced passivity in their childhood into something active as

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adults, giving them the feeling of control they sorely lacked in their
earliest years, through aggressive behavior.
Whatever the cause of their tendencies, these types do not scurry
back within the guardrails but rather continually resort to aggressive
behavior. They have an unusually strong will and little patience to
satisfy their desires through the socially acceptable channels. They find
the normal ways of gaining stimulation too dull. They need something
stronger and more immediate. If they are the primitive type, they may
turn to criminal behavior or simply become the overt bully; if they are
more sophisticated, they will learn to control this behavior to some
extent and use it when necessary.
What this means is that human aggression stems from an
underlying insecurity, as opposed to simply an impulse to hurt or take
from others. Before any impulse to take aggressive action, aggressors
are unconsciously processing feelings of helplessness and anxiety.
They often perceive threats that are not really there, or exaggerate
them. They take action to preempt the perceived attack of another, or
to grab for things in order to dominate a situation they feel may elude
their control. (Such feelings also provoke the positive type of
aggression as well. Feeling the need to fight an injustice or create
something important is preceded by feelings of anxiety and insecurity.
It remains an attempt at control for positive purposes.) When we look
at any chronic aggressor around us, we must search for the underlying
insecurity, the deep wound, the reverberating feelings of helplessness
from their earliest years.
We can notice the following interesting phenomenon: people who
are domineering often are extremely intolerant of any kind of dissent.
They need to be surrounded by sycophants and constantly be
reminded of their greatness and superiority. If such types have
political power, they work to tamp down any negative publicity and
control what people say about them. We must see this hypersensitivity
to criticism as a sign of great inner weakness. A person who is truly
strong from within can endure criticism and open discussion without
feeling personally threatened. Generally, aggressors and authoritarian
types are expert at concealing this profound inner weakness by
constantly projecting toughness and conviction. But we must train
ourselves to look past their façade and see the inner fragility. This can
greatly help us control any feelings of fear or intimidation, which
aggressors love to stimulate.

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There are other qualities of the chronically aggressive that we must
understand. First, aggressors have less tolerance for feelings of
helplessness and anxiety than the rest of us. What might cause us to
feel frustrated or insecure will often trigger in them a much more
powerful reaction, and rage. This is perhaps why chronic aggression is
much more common among men than women. Men find it harder to
manage feelings of dependency and helplessness, something
psychologists have noted in male infants. Men are generally more
insecure about their status in the work world and elsewhere. They have
a greater need to continually assert themselves and gauge their effect
on others. Their self-esteem is tied to feelings of power, control, and
respect for their opinions. And so it often takes less to trigger the
aggressive response in men. In any event, we must always be aware
that the chronic aggressor is more thin-skinned than we are, and if we
know we are dealing with this type, we must be particularly careful to
not inadvertently trigger their rage response by challenging their self-
esteem or criticizing them.
Another common aspect of aggressive behavior is that it can easily
become an addiction. In acting out their desires in an overt and
immediate way, in getting the best of people through their maneuvers,
aggressors receive a jolt of adrenaline that can become addictive. They
feel stimulated and excited, and the more socially acceptable ways of
relieving boredom can seem tepid in comparison. (Certainly the thrill
of getting easy money, whether as Wall Street brokers peddling
dubious investments or as criminals stealing what they can, has an
immensely addictive quality.) At first glance, this might seem self-
destructive, as each aggressive outburst creates more enemies and
unintended consequences. But aggressors are often adept at upping
the ante with even more intimidating behavior, so that few will
challenge them.
This often leads to the phenomenon of the aggressor’s trap: the
more power they get, and the larger their empire, the more points of
vulnerability they create; they have more rivals and enemies to worry
about. This sparks in them the need to be more and more aggressive
and gain more and more power. (Certainly Rockefeller fell victim to
this dynamic.) They also come to feel that to stop acting in this way
would make them seem weak. No matter what aggressors might say to
us or how they try to disguise their intentions, we must realize that
their past pattern of behavior will inevitably continue in the present,

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because they are both addicted and trapped. We must never be naive in
dealing with them. They will be relentless. If they take a step back, it is
only momentary. They are rarely capable of changing this essential
pattern in their behavior.
We must also be aware that aggressors see the people around them
as objects to use. They might have some natural empathy, but because
their need for power and control is so strong, they cannot be patient
enough to rely solely upon charm and social skills. To get what they
want, they have to use people, and this becomes a habit that degrades
any empathy they once had. They need adherents and disciples, so they
train themselves to listen, to occasionally praise others, and to do
favors for people. The charm they may display upon occasion,
however, is only for effect and has little human warmth to it. When
they are listening to us, they are gauging the strength of our will and
seeing how we can serve their purposes down the road. If they praise
us or do us a favor, it is a way to further entrap and compromise us.
We can see this in the nonverbal cues, in the eyes that look through us,
in how thinly they are engaged in our stories. We must always try to
make ourselves immune to any attempt at charm on their part,
knowing what purpose it serves.
It is interesting to note that despite all of the socially negative
qualities that aggressors inevitably reveal, they are frequently able to
attract enough followers to help them in their quest for power. The
people who are attracted to such aggressors often have their own deep-
seated issues, their own frustrated aggressive desires. They find the
confidence and sometimes brazenness of the aggressor quite exciting
and appealing. They fall in love with the narrative. They become
infected with the leader’s aggression and get to act it out on others,
perhaps those below them. But such an environment is tiring, and
those serving the aggressor are constantly taking hits to their self-
esteem. With most aggressors, the turnover is high and the morale low.
As the ancient Greek dramatist Sophocles once wrote, “Whoever
makes his way into a tyrant’s court becomes his slave, although he
went there a free man.”
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Your task as a student of human nature is threefold: First, you must
stop denying the reality of your own aggressive tendencies. You are on
the aggressive spectrum, like all of us. Of course, there are some people
who are lower down on this spectrum. Perhaps they lack confidence in
their ability to get what they want; or they may simply have less
energy. But a lot of us are in the mid-to-upper range on the spectrum,
with relatively strong levels of will. This assertive energy must be
expended in some way and will tend to go in one of three directions.
First, we can channel this energy into our work, into patiently
achieving things (controlled aggression). Second, we can channel it
into aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior. Finally, we can turn it
inward in the form of self-loathing, directing our anger and aggression
at our own failings and activating our internal saboteur (more on this
later). You need to analyze how you handle your assertive energy. A
way to judge yourself is to see how you handle moments of frustration
and uncertainty, situations in which you have less control. Do you tend
to lash out, grow angry and tense, and do things you later regret? Or do
you internalize the anger and grow depressed? Look at those inevitable
moments in which you have gone past the guardrails and analyze
them. You are not as peaceful and gentle as you imagine. Notice what
pushed you into this behavior, and how during such times you found
ways to rationalize your behavior. Now, with some distance, you can
perhaps see through those rationalizations.
Your goal is not to repress this assertive energy but to become
aware of it as it drives you forward and to channel it productively. You
need to admit to yourself that you have a deep desire to have an effect
on people, to have power, and to realize this you must develop higher
social and technical skills, must become more patient and resilient.
You need to discipline and tame your natural assertive energy. This is
what we shall call controlled aggression, and it will lead to
accomplishing great things. (For more on this, see the last section of
this chapter.)
Your second task is to make yourself a master observer of
aggression in the people around you. When you look at your work
world, for instance, imagine that you can visualize the continual war
between people’s different levels of will, and all of the intersecting
arrows of such conflicts. Those who are more assertive seem to rise to
the top, but they inevitably display signs of submission to those higher
up. It is not much different from the hierarchies we can observe among

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chimpanzees. If you stop focusing on people’s words and the façade
they present, and concentrate on their actions and their nonverbal
cues, you can almost sense the level of aggressiveness they emanate.
In looking at this phenomenon, it is important that you be tolerant
of people: we have all crossed the line at some point and turned more
aggressive than usual, often because of circumstances. When it comes
to those who are powerful and successful, it is impossible in this world
to reach such heights without higher levels of aggression and some
manipulation. For accomplishing great things, we can forgive them
their occasional harsh and assertive behavior. What you need to
determine is whether you are dealing with chronic aggressors, people
who cannot tolerate criticism or being challenged on any level, whose
desire for control is excessive, and who will swallow you up in their
relentless quest to have more.
Look for some telltale signs. First, if they have an unusually high
number of enemies whom they have accumulated over the years, there
must be a good reason, and not the one they tell you. Pay close
attention to how they justify their actions in the world. Aggressors will
tend to present themselves as crusaders, as some form of genius who
cannot help the way they behave. They are creating great art, they say,
or helping the little man. People who get in their way are infidels and
evil. They will claim, as Rockefeller did, that no one has been criticized
or investigated as much as they have; they are the victims, not the
aggressors. The louder and more extreme their narrative, the more you
can be certain you are dealing with chronic aggressors. Focus on their
actions, their past patterns of behavior, much more than anything they
say.
You can look for subtler signs as well. Chronic aggressors often have
obsessive personalities. Having meticulous habits and creating a
completely predictable environment is their way of holding control.
Obsessing over an object or a person indicates a desire to swallow it
whole. Also, pay attention to the nonverbal cues. We saw with
Rockefeller that he could not stand to be passed by anyone in the
street. The aggressor type will show such physical obsessions—always
front and center. In any event, the earlier you can spot the signs the
better.
Once you realize you are dealing with this type, you must use every
ounce of your energy to disengage mentally, to gain control of your

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emotional response. Often what happens when you face aggressors is
that you initially feel mesmerized and even paralyzed to some extent,
as if in the presence of a snake. Then, as you process what they have
done, you become emotional—angry, outraged, frightened. Once you
are in that state, they find it easy to keep you reacting and not thinking.
Your anger doesn’t lead to anything productive but rather melts into
bitterness and frustration over time. Your only answer is to find a way
to detach from their spell, bit by bit. See through their maneuvers,
contemplate the underlying weakness that propels them, cut them
down to size. Always focus on their goals, what they are really after,
and not the distractions they set up.
If battle with them is inevitable, never engage in direct
confrontation or challenge them in an overt way. If they are the
sophisticated type, they will use all their cunning to ruin you, and they
can be relentless. You must always fight them indirectly. Look for the
vulnerabilities they are inevitably covering up. This could be their
dubious reputation, some particularly dirty actions in the past they
have managed to keep secret. Poke holes in their narrative. Through
exposure of what they want to keep hidden, you have a powerful
weapon to scare them out of attacking you. Remember that their
greatest fear is to lose control. Think of what act of yours could
frighten them by setting off a chain reaction of events that might spin
out of control. Make the easy victory they are counting on with you
suddenly seem more expensive.
Aggressors generally have the advantage that they are willing to go
outside the guardrails more often and more widely in fighting you.
This gives them more options, more dirty maneuvers they can surprise
you with. In negotiations, they will hit you with some last-minute
change to what they had agreed upon, violating all rules but knowing
you will give in because you have come this far and don’t want to blow
it up. They will spread rumors and disinformation to muddy the waters
and make you seem as dubious as they are. You must try to anticipate
these manipulations and rob aggressors of the element of surprise.
And on occasion you yourself must be willing to venture outside the
guardrails as well, knowing this is a temporary and defensive measure.
You can practice deception and distract them, appearing weaker than
you are, baiting them into an attack that will make them look bad and
for which you have prepared a crafty counterattack. You can even
spread rumors that will tend to imbalance their minds, since they are

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not used to others playing the same tricks back on them. In any event,
with the stakes being high, you must calculate that defeating
aggressors is more important than maintaining your purity.
Finally, your third task as a student of human nature is to rid
yourself of the denial of the very real aggressive tendencies in human
nature itself and what such aggression might mean for our future as a
species. This denial tends to take the form of one of two myths you are
likely to believe in. The first myth is that long ago we humans were
peace-loving creatures, in harmony with nature and with our fellow
humans. It is the myth of the noble savage, the innocent hunter-
gatherer. The implication is that civilization, along with the
development of private property and capitalism, turned the peaceful
human into an aggressive and selfish creature. Our form of society is to
blame for this, so the myth goes. By developing a more egalitarian
political and social system, we could revert to our natural goodness
and peace-loving nature.
Recent finds in anthropology and archaeology, however, have
proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that our ancestors (going back tens
of thousands of years, well before civilization) engaged in warfare that
was as murderous and brutal as anything in the present. They were
hardly peaceful. There are also numerous examples of indigenous
cultures destroying much of the flora and fauna in their environment
in an endless quest for food sources and shelter, sending many species
into extinction and despoiling entire regions of trees. (For more on this
see War Before Civilization, by Lawrence H. Keeley, and The Third