The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Self-Doubt and “Supposed To”
The gauntlet of gremlins can get in the way of cultivating meaningful work. They start by taunting us
about our gifts and talents:
“Maybe everyone has special gifts … except for you. Maybe that’s why you haven’t found them
yet.”
“Yes, you do that well, but that’s not really a gift. It’s not big enough or important enough to be a
real talent.”
Self-doubt undermines the process of finding our gifts and sharing them with the world. Moreover,
if developing and sharing our gifts is how we honor spirit and connect with God, self-doubt is letting
our fear undermine our faith.
The gremlins get lots of mileage out of “supposed to”—the battle cry of fitting in, perfectionism,
people-pleasing, and proving ourselves:
“You’re supposed to care about making money, not meaning.”
“You’re supposed to grow up and be a ____________. Everyone’s counting on it.”
“You’re supposed to hate your work; that’s the definition of work.”
“If you’re brave, you’re supposed to quit your job and follow your bliss. Don’t worry about
money!”
“You’re supposed to choose: Work you love or work that supports the people you love.”
To overcome self-doubt and “supposed to,” we have to start owning the messages. What makes us
afraid? What’s on our “supposed to” list? Who says? Why?
Gremlins are like toddlers. If you ignore them, they get louder. It’s usually best to just acknowledge
the messages. Write them down. I know it seems counterintuitive, but writing them down and owning
the gremlins’ messages doesn’t give the messages more power; it gives us more power. It gives us the
opportunity to say, “I get it. I see that I’m afraid of this, but I’m going to do it anyway.”
Nice to Meet You. What Do You Do?
In addition to the gremlins, another thing that gets in the way of meaningful work is the struggle to
define who we are and what we do in an honest way. In a world that values the primacy of work, the
most common question that we ask and get asked is, “What do you do?” I used to wince every time
someone asked me this question. I felt like my choices were to reduce myself to an easily digestible

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sound bite or to confuse the hell out of people.
Now my answer to “What do you do?” is, “How much time do you have?”
Most of us have complicated answers to this question. For example, I’m a mom, partner,
researcher, writer, storyteller, sister, friend, daughter, and teacher. All of these things make up who I
am, so I never know how to answer that question. And, to be honest with you, I’m tired of choosing to
make it easier on the person who asked.
In 2009, I met Marci Alboher, an author/speaker/coach. If you’re wondering what’s up with the
slashes, I think they’re very appropriate as Marci is the author of One Person/Multiple Careers: A
New Model for Work/Life Success.
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Alboher interviewed hundreds of people pursuing multiple careers simultaneously and discovered
how slash careers—researcher/storyteller, artist/real estate agent—integrate and fully express the
multiple passions, talents, and interests that a single career cannot accommodate. Marci’s book is full
of stories about people who have created meaningful work by refusing to be defined by a single
career. Examples include a longshoreman/documentary filmmaker, a management consultant/
cartoonist, a lawyer/chef, a rabbi/stand-up comic, a surgeon/playwright, an investment
manager/rapper, and a therapist/violin maker.
I wanted to share the idea of the slash effect with you because in the blogging, art, and writing
world, I meet so many people who are afraid to claim their work. For example, I recently met a
woman at a social media conference who is an accountant/jeweler. I was excited to meet her, because I
had bought a beautiful pair of earrings from her online. When I asked her how long she had been a
jeweler, she blushed and said, “I wish. I’m a CPA. I’m not a real jeweler.”
I thought to myself, I’m wearing your earrings right now, not your abacus. When I pointed to my
ears and said, “Of course you’re a jewelry maker!” she just smiled and replied, “I don’t make very
much money doing that. I just do it because I love it.” As ludicrous as that sounded to me, I get it. I
hate calling myself a writer because it doesn’t feel legitimate to me. I’m not writer enough.
Overcoming self-doubt is all about believing we’re enough and letting go of what the world says
we’re supposed to be and supposed to call ourselves.
Every semester I share this quote by theologian Howard Thurman with my graduate students. It’s
always been one of my favorites, but now that I’ve studied the importance of meaningful work, it’s
taken on new significance: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go
do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”