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7. Don’t Rock the Cradle Too Hard: Babies, Frustration, and Child
Abuse
David suddenly felt a wave of anger blow across him
like a hot wind. After weeks and weeks of colicky
screaming by his twin sons, Sam and Ben, he got so
angry he punched his hand through the door. “I was
so frustrated and exhausted I couldn’t control myself.
I would never hurt my boys, but for the first time in
my life I understood how a parent could be driven to
such desperation.”
Few things feel better than when we can easily calm our
baby’s screams, but when everything we do fails, few things can
make us feel worse.
Remember, your baby can belt out a shriek that is louder
than a vacuum cleaner. That’s why it is so difficult to take when
she’s on your shoulder and blasting right next to your ear. The
sound of her cry also sets off a “red alert” reflex inside your
nervous system that makes your heart race and your skin
cringe, creating an urgent desire to stop it. This crying can
become almost intolerable when it’s coupled with fatigue,
depression, financial stress, hormonal chaos, family conflict,

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and a history of being abused. When these stressful forces
combine, they can sometimes push even a loving parent over
the edge into the dark abyss of child abuse.
A mild-mannered father I know told me that he once shocked
himself, in the middle of the night, when his daughter’s cries
started to “get to him” and he found himself rocking her cradle
“a little too hard.” “I felt like such a terrible parent. My little
Marlo was so unhappy, yet nothing I did seemed to help. I felt
so incompetent.”
Another great frustration for parents is when a technique that
usually calms their baby suddenly does nothing. It’s like getting
mugged in broad daylight when you least expect it.
However, no matter how desperate you feel, always
remember that there’s a big difference between feelings and
actions. When you are exhausted, you can joke all you want to
about leaving your baby on someone’s doorstep but, needless to
say, you’re not allowed to do it.
What should you do when you are feeling like you’re near
your breaking point?
Lighten your workload and get some help to clean the house
and watch the baby.
Do something physical to vent your energy: dig a hole,
hammer nails, beat the sofa, scream into a pillow, sob into a
towel, or just go out and run!
Talk to someone: a friend, a relative, or even a crisis hotline.
(The National Child Abuse Hotline—800 4-A-CHILD—has
counselors available every day, all day.)