The Mountain Is You

HOW TO RESOLVE THIS
Instead of wasting all of your energy trying to control some worst-case
scenario, consider what the message of the fear may be and what it is telling
you that you need in your life.
If the fear was an abstract metaphor, what would the meaning be? Is the
abrupt loss of income a symbol of your desire for security? Is the fear of the
future a symbol for not living fully right now? Is the anxiety about making
decisions a symbol for knowing what you really want and being too afraid
to choose it?
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At the core of the things we most fear is a message that we are trying to
send ourselves about what we really care about. If we can identify what we
want to protect, we can find healthier and more secure ways to do it.
H O W T O T E L L I F Y O U ’ R E I N A S E L F-S A B O TA G E C Y
C L E
Even if you can cognitively understand self-sabotaging behaviors,
sometimes the most difficult shift is recognizing that we are engaging in
them.
In fact, sometimes the signs are so subtle, they are barely recognizable and
often don’t come to our attention until they become highly problematic or
someone else points them out. Some of the most prominent symptoms of
self-sabotage are as follows:
YOU ARE MORE AWARE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT THAN

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WHAT YOU DO.
You spend more of your time worrying, ruminating, and focusing on what
you hope doesn’t happen than you do imagining, strategizing, and planning
for what you do.
YOU SPEND MORE TIME TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WHO
DON’T LIKE YOU THAN YOU SPEND WITH PEOPLE WHO
LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.
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You are more focused on growing into the kind of person who evokes the
envy of your supposed enemies rather than the kind of person who is
beloved by their family and friends and prioritizes them no matter what.
YOU’RE PUT TING YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND.
You don’t know basic facts about your life, like how much debt you have or
what other people in your field are being paid for similar work. When you
get into an argument, you run away until you forget rather than talking
about what’s wrong and coming up with a solution. In other words, you are
in denial, and so any hope of healing is futile.
YOU CARE MORE ABOUT CONVINCING OTHER PEOPLE
YOU’RE OKAY THAN ACTUALLY BEING OKAY.
You’d rather post photos that make it look like you had a great time than
being concerned about whether you actually had a good time. You put more

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effort toward trying to convince everyone you’re doing well rather than
being honest and connecting with people who could help or support you.
YOUR MAIN PRIORIT Y IN LIFE IS TO BE LIKED, EVEN IF
THAT COMES AT THE EXPENSE OF BEING HAPPY.
You think more about whether or not your actions will earn you the
approval of “people” (who are “people,” by the
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way?) rather than whether or not they will actually make you feel fulfilled
and content with who you are.
YOU’RE MORE AFRAID OF YOUR FEELINGS THAN ANY THING
ELSE.
If you get to the point in life at which the scariest, most detrimental thing
you face is the fear of whether or not you will be able to handle your own
emotions, you are the one standing in your own way—nothing else is.
YOU’RE BLINDLY CHASING GOALS WITHOUT ASKING
YOURSELF WHY YOU WANT THOSE THINGS.
If you are doing “everything you are supposed to be doing”
and yet you feel empty and depressed at the end of the day, the issue is
probably that you’re not really doing what you want to be doing; you’ve
just adopted someone else’s script for happiness.

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YOU’RE TREATING YOUR COPING MECHANISMS AS THE
PROBLEM.
Instead of trying to incite war on yourself to overcome your overeating,
spending, drinking, sexing—whatever it is you know you need to improve
—ask yourself what emotional need that thing is filling. Until you do, you
will battle it forever.
YOU VALUE YOUR DOUBT MORE THAN YOUR POTENTIAL.
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Negativity bias makes us believe that “bad” things are more real than good,
and unless we keep that inclination in check, it can leave us believing that
everything we fear to be true is more real than the good things that are
actually true.
YOU ARE TRYING TO CARE ABOUT EVERY THING.
Your willpower is a limited resource. You only have so much in a day.
Rather than using it to try to become good at everything, decide what
matters most to you. Focus your attention on that, and let everything else
slip away.
YOU ARE WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO OPEN A DOOR,
OFFER APPROVAL, OR HAND YOU THE LIFE YOU HAVE
BEEN WAITING FOR.
We grow up with the illusion that success is what’s handed to people who
are most deserving, talented, or privileged.

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When we arrive, however, we realize it is constructed by those who find an
intersection of their interests, passions, skills, and a market gap. Sprinkle on
a little bit of persistence, and the only way to fail is to give up.
YOU DON’T REALIZE HOW FAR YOU’VE COME.
You are not the person you were five years ago. You evolve as your self-
image does, so make sure that it’s an accurate one. Give yourself credit for
everything you’ve overcome that you never thought you would, and
everything you’ve
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built that you never thought you could. You’ve come so much farther than
you think, and you’re so much closer than you realize.
I D E N T I F Y I N G Y O U R S U B C O N S C I O U S
C O M M I T M E N T S