13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

TROUBLESHOOTING AND COMMON TRAPS
Monitor your personal power and look for ways in which you are voluntarily
giving it away. It takes hard work, but increasing your mental strength requires
you to retain every ounce of personal power for yourself.
WHAT’S HELPFUL
Using language that acknowledges your choice such as, “I’m choosing
to . . .”
Setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries with people
Behaving proactively by making conscious choices about how you’ll
respond to others
Taking full responsibility for how you choose to spend your time and
energy
Choosing to forgive individuals regardless of whether they seek to make
amends
Willingness to examine feedback and criticism without jumping to
conclusions

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WHAT’S NOT HELPFUL
Using language that implies you’re a victim, such as “I have to do this,”
or “My boss makes me so mad”
Feeling anger and resentment toward people you allow to infringe on
your rights
Reacting to others and then blaming them for the way you handled
yourself
Doing things you don’t want to do and then blaming others for
“making” you do it
Choosing to hold a grudge and harbor anger and resentment
Allowing feedback and criticism to control how you feel about yourself

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CHAPTER 3
THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE
It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t . . . It’s
that some people are ready to change and others are not.
—JAMES GORDON
Richard entered my therapy office because he wasn’t making much progress in
managing his physical health. At the age of forty-four, he was seventy-five
pounds overweight and had recently been diagnosed with diabetes.
Shortly after his diagnosis, he’d met with a nutritionist and learned about the
diet changes he’d need to make to lose weight and manage his blood sugar.
Initially, he tried eliminating all the junk food he had always eaten so regularly.
He’d gone so far as to throw away all the ice cream, cookies, and sugary soft
drinks he had in his home. But within two days, he found himself buying more
sweets and resorting to his old habits.
He was also aware that he’d need to increase his activity level if he wanted to
get healthier. After all, he was no stranger to exercise. Back in high school, he’d
been a star athlete on the football field and the basketball court. But these days,
he spent the majority of his time sitting behind a computer. He worked long
hours and wasn’t sure how he’d find the time to exercise. He’d purchased a gym

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membership, but he’d only gone to the gym twice. He usually came home from
work exhausted, and he already felt like he wasn’t spending enough time with his
wife and children.
Richard told me that he really wanted to get healthier. But he felt frustrated.
Despite understanding the risks of being overweight and the dangers of not
managing his diabetes, he just couldn’t motivate himself to change his unhealthy
habits.
It was clear that he was trying to change too much too fast, which is a recipe
for failure. I recommended he choose one thing to change at a time and for the
first week, he said he’d give up the cookies he usually ate at his desk during the
afternoon. It was important to find something to replace that habit with—and he
decided he would try snacking on carrot sticks instead.
I also recommended he gain support to help him become healthier. He agreed
to attend a diabetes support group. And over the next few weeks we discussed
strategies to help get his family involved. His wife attended a few therapy
sessions with him, and she began to understand steps she could take to help
Richard improve his health. She agreed not to buy as much junk food when she
went grocery shopping, and she began working with Richard on finding
healthier recipes for their meals.
We also discussed a realistic exercise schedule. Richard said that almost every
day he left the house planning to go to the gym after work, but he always talked
himself out of it and went straight home. We decided he’d start by going to the
gym three days a week and he scheduled those three days ahead of time. He also
kept a list of all the reasons why going to the gym was a good idea in the car. On
the days when he began thinking that he should just go home instead of going to
the gym, he read over his list as a reminder about why going to the gym was the
best choice, even if he didn’t feel like it.
Over the next two months, Richard began losing weight. But his blood sugar
was still fairly high. He admitted that he was still eating a lot of junk food in the
evenings while he watched TV. I encouraged him to find ways to make it less
convenient for him to reach for sugary snacks, so he decided that he’d keep the
sweet treats downstairs in the basement. Then, when he wandered into the
kitchen in the evenings, he’d be more likely to reach for a healthy snack. If he
still wanted cookies, he’d have to think about whether he wanted to go down to

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the basement to get them and most of the time, he found that he was more
motivated to reach for a healthier snack. As soon as he started making progress,
he found it easier to make more changes. Eventually, he was able to feel more
inspired to lose weight and manage his blood sugar.
TO CHANGE OR NOT TO CHANGE
Although it’s often easy to say you want to change, successfully making a
change is hard. Our thoughts and emotions often prevent us from creating
behavioral change, even when it will improve our lives.
Many people shy away from making changes that can drastically improve
their lives. See if any of the following apply to you:
You tend to justify a bad habit by convincing yourself what you’re doing
isn’t “that bad.”
You experience a lot of anxiety about changes to your routine.
Even when you’re in a bad situation, you worry that making a change might
make things worse.
Whenever you attempt to make a change, you struggle to stick with it.
When your boss, family, or friends make changes that affect you, it’s
difficult for you to adapt.
You think a lot about making changes but put off doing anything different
until later.
You worry that any changes you make aren’t likely to last.
The thought of stepping outside your comfort zone just seems too scary.
You lack the motivation to create positive change because it’s too hard.

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You make excuses for why you can’t change, like “I’d like to exercise more,
but my spouse doesn’t want to go with me.”
You have difficulty recalling the last time you purposely tried to challenge
yourself to become better.
You hesitate to do anything new because it just seems like too big of a
commitment.
Do any of the above examples sound familiar? Although circumstances can
change quickly, humans often change at a much slower pace. Choosing to do
something different requires you to adapt your thinking and your behavior,
which will likely bring up some uncomfortable emotions. But that doesn’t mean
you should shy away from change.
WHY WE SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE
Initially, Richard tried to change too much too fast and he quickly became
overwhelmed. Whenever he thought, This is going to be too hard, he allowed
himself to give up. As soon as he began seeing some positive results, however,
his thoughts became more positive and it was easier for him to stay motivated.
Many people shy away from change because they think that doing something
different is too risky or uncomfortable.