13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

AVOIDING DISCOMFORT
Many people associate change with discomfort. And often, they underestimate
their ability to tolerate the discomfort that accompanies a behavioral change.
Richard knew what changes he needed to make to improve his health, but he
didn’t want to give up foods he liked or feel the pain that accompanies a
workout. And he worried that losing weight meant he’d have to be hungry. He
dreaded all those realities, but he didn’t realize that these slight discomforts were
just that, and nothing worse. It wasn’t until he began gaining confidence in his
ability to tolerate discomfort that he truly felt like making further changes.
GRIEF
Tiffany came to therapy because she wanted to change her spending habits. Her
shopping had become out of control, and she felt stressed because she was
carrying around huge credit card balances. She didn’t want to keep spending but
at the same time, she didn’t want to change. When we discussed some of her

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concerns about what would happen if she tried to stick to a budget, she
discovered that she didn’t want to give up time with her friends, because she and
her girlfriends often spent Saturday afternoons shopping together. She thought
the only way to curb her spending meant giving up time with her friends, which
she feared would lead to loneliness.
Doing something different means giving something up. And there’s often a
grief associated with leaving something behind. To spare ourselves this grief, we
can convince ourselves not to change. Tiffany would have rather held on to her
girls’ day at the mall than avoid financial ruin.
THE PROBLEM WITH SHYING AWAY
FROM CHANGE
Shying away from change can have serious consequences. In Richard’s case,
continuing his current habits would likely take a serious toll on his health. The
longer he delayed making change, the more irreversible damage he was likely to
suffer.
But avoiding change doesn’t always have just physical consequences.
Remaining stagnant can also interfere with personal growth in other areas of
your life.
• Staying the same often equals getting stuck in a rut. Life can get pretty boring
if you don’t do anything differently. A person who simply decides to keep
things as mundane and low-key as possible isn’t likely to experience a rich,
full life and might become depressed.
• You won’t learn new things. The world will change with or without you.
Don’t think that your choice not to change will prevent anyone else from
embracing change. You’ll risk being left in the dust if you choose to keep
doing everything the same for the rest of your life.
• Your life may not get better. If you don’t change, you can’t make your life
better. Many problems that are waiting to be solved require you to do

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something different. But if you aren’t willing to try something new, those
issues are likely to remain unresolved.
• You won’t challenge yourself to develop healthier habits. It’s easy to develop
bad habits. Breaking bad habits requires a willingness to try something new.
• Other people will outgrow you. “My husband isn’t the same man I married
thirty years ago.” I hear this all the time in my office, and my response is
usually, “Let’s hope not.” I hope everyone grows and changes over the course
of thirty years. If you are unwilling to challenge yourself and improve, others
may grow bored with you.
• The longer you wait the harder it gets. Do you think it’s easier to quit
smoking after your first cigarette or after twenty years of smoking? The
longer you keep the same habits, the harder they can be to break. Sometimes
people put off change until the right time. They say things like “I’ll look for a
new job when things calm down” or “I’ll worry about losing weight after the
holidays.” But, often, the perfect time to do something never arises. The
longer change gets delayed, the harder it is to do.