13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

ACCEPT CHANGE
I first learned of Mary Deming from one of her close friends who couldn’t stop
saying enough good things about her. And when I heard Mary’s story, I began to
understand why. But it wasn’t until I spoke with her that it truly hit me.
When Mary was eighteen, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Three short years later, her mother passed away. Following her mother’s death,
Mary admits she buried her head in the sand. She says she vacillated between
feeling sorry for herself—her father had passed away when she was a teen so she
felt it was unfair she was an “orphan” at 21—and busying herself with as much
activity as possible so she didn’t have to face the reality of her situation.
But in 2000, at the age of fifty—the same age her father had been when he
passed away—Mary began thinking about her own mortality. That same year, as
a high school teacher, Mary was asked to chaperone a school-sponsored fund-
raiser for cancer research. Chaperoning that event provided Mary with an

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opportunity to meet with other people who had lost loved ones to cancer and the
fund-raiser ignited her passion to make a difference. She began participating in
fund-raising events for cancer research.
Initially, she joined the American Cancer Society’s “Relay for Life” as her
first fund-raiser walk. Then, in 2008, she joined the three-day sixty-mile walk
sponsored by Susan G. Komen that was specifically aimed at raising money for
breast cancer. Mary had always been a competitive person and when she saw
how much money other people were able to raise, she kicked it into high gear
and single-handedly raised $38,000, one thousand dollars for each year her
mother had been gone.
But instead of patting herself on the back for a job well done, Mary credits the
people in her small town with helping her raise the funds. And her fund-raising
endeavors made her recognize that raising money for cancer research was near
and dear to her neighbors’ hearts. She began to do some research and she
discovered that her home state of Connecticut had the second highest rate of
breast cancer in the nation. And that sparked an idea.
Mary decided to start her own nonprofit agency to raise money, and she got
the entire community involved. She named her organization Seymour Pink, after
her town of Seymour, Connecticut. Each October—breast cancer awareness
month—the town makes sure everyone has an opportunity to “see more pink.”
Businesses decorate with pink. Pink banners honoring survivors and
memorializing loved ones who have lost their battle to breast cancer are hung on
the light posts throughout the town. Homes are decorated with pink ribbons and
balloons.
Over the years, Mary has raised almost a half million dollars for breast
cancer–related causes. Her organization donates some money for cancer research
and also provides direct financial support to families who are affected by cancer.
Not only does Mary not take any of the credit—she only boasts about how
wonderful her community members are who participate in her fund-raisers—but
she also fails to mention her personal triumphs. I only learned about the
obstacles she overcame because someone else told me.
Just three years into her fund-raising efforts, Mary was in a severe car
accident. A traumatic brain injury left her with significant speech and cognitive
issues. But even a serious car accident couldn’t hold someone like Mary back.

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She went to speech therapy eight times a week and was determined to get back
to raising money for breast cancer patients and research. At a time when most
people would have retired, Mary said, “I’m not going out like that.” She knew it
would be a long road to recovery but she didn’t believe in quitting. It took her
five years, but by 2008, she returned to her job as a high school science teacher
and resumed her fund-raising efforts.
Mary didn’t set out to change the world. Instead, she focused on what she
could do to make a difference. If you start by changing your life, you can begin
to make a difference in the lives of other people. Mother Teresa said, “I alone
cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many
ripples.” Mary Deming didn’t set out to change the entire world either, but she
sure has changed a lot of lives.
IDENTIFY THE PROS AND CONS OF CHANGING
Create a list of what is good about staying the same and what is bad about
staying the same. Then, create a list about the potentially good and bad outcomes
of making a change. Don’t simply make your decision based on the sheer
number of pros versus cons. Instead, examine the list. Read it over a few times
and think about the potential consequences of changing versus staying the same.
If you’re still considering change, this exercise can help you move closer to
making a decision.
There’s no need to change for the sake of change. Moving to a new home,
starting a new relationship, or switching jobs aren’t inherently going to increase
your mental strength. Instead, it’s important to pay close attention to the reasons
why you want to change so you can determine whether the decision is about
doing what’s ultimately best for you.
If you’re still ambivalent, create a behavioral experiment. Unless you’re
dealing with an all-or-nothing change, try something new for one week. After
you’ve done it for a week, evaluate your progress and motivation. Decide if you
want to continue with the change or not.
DEVELOP AN AWARENESS OF YOUR EMOTIONS

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Pay attention to the emotions that are influencing your decision as well. When
you think about making a change, how do you feel? For example:
• Are you nervous that the change won’t last?
• Do you feel exhausted at the sheer thought of doing something different?
• Are you worried about your ability to follow through with the change?
• Are you scared things may get worse?
• Are you sad that you’ll have to give something up?
• Are you uncomfortable even admitting a problem exists?
Once you identify some of your emotions, you can decide whether it makes
sense to act contrary to those emotions. Richard, for example, felt a variety of
emotions. He was nervous about committing to something new. He was feeling
guilty that he may need to give up time with his family to exercise and he was
worried that he wouldn’t be successful at managing his health. Despite all that,
he was even more fearful about what would happen to him if he didn’t make a
change.
Don’t allow your emotions to make the final decision. Sometimes you have to
be willing to change, even when you don’t “feel like it.” Balance your emotions
with rational thinking. If you’re terrified of doing something new, and it really
won’t make a big difference in your life, you may decide it’s not worth putting
yourself through the stress of change. But, if you can rationally identify how
change will be best for you in the long term, it may make sense to tolerate the
discomfort.