13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE
Imagine a man stuck in a traffic jam. Traffic hasn’t moved an inch for twenty
minutes and he’s running late for a meeting. He starts yelling, swearing, and
banging his fists on the steering wheel. He wants so much to be in control that he
just can’t tolerate the fact that he’s going to be late. These people should just get
out of my way, he thinks. It’s ridiculous that there’s this much traffic in the
middle of the afternoon.
Contrast that person with someone in the car next to him who turns on the
radio and chooses to sing along to some of his favorite tunes while he waits. He
figures, I’ll get there when I can. He uses his time and energy wisely because he
knows he has no control over when traffic will start moving again. Instead, he
tells himself, There are millions of cars on the road every day. Sometimes traffic
jams are bound to happen.
Either of these people could choose to do something different in the future to
avoid traffic. They could leave earlier, take a different route, use public
transportation, check the traffic report ahead of time, or even start a movement to
try and change the road systems. But, for now, they have the choice to accept
that they’re stuck in a traffic jam or focus on the fact that they feel an injustice is
being done.
Even though you might not like the situation you’re in, you can choose to
accept it. You can accept that your boss is mean, that your mother doesn’t
approve of you, or that your kids aren’t striving to be high achievers. That
doesn’t mean you can’t work toward influencing them by changing your
behavior, but it does mean you can stop trying to force them to be different.
GIVING UP CONTROL WILL MAKE YOU

---

STRONGER
At the age of eighteen, Terry Fox was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Doctors
amputated his leg but warned him that his survival rate was only 50 percent.
They also made it clear that major advances had been made in cancer treatment
over the past few years. Just two years previously, the survival rate for this type
of cancer was only 15 percent.
Within three weeks of his surgery, Fox was walking with the help of a
prosthetic limb. His doctors noted that his positive attitude most likely had
something to do with his rapid recovery. He underwent sixteen months of
chemotherapy and during that time, he met many other patients who were dying
from cancer. By the time his treatment ended, he decided to spread the word
about the need for more funding for cancer research.
On the night before he got his leg amputated, he’d read a story about a man
who had run the New York City marathon with a prosthetic leg. The article
inspired him to begin running as soon as he was physically able. He ran his first
marathon in British Columbia, and though he finished in last place, he was met
with a lot of support at the finish line.
After completing the marathon, Fox hatched a fund-raising plan. He decided
to run across Canada by completing a marathon every single day. Initially, he
hoped to earn a million dollars for charity, but he soon set his sights even higher.
He wanted to raise one dollar for each person in Canada—a grand total of $24
million.
In April of 1980, he set out to run over twenty-six miles a day. As word of his
trek began to spread, his support increased. Communities began holding large
receptions to commemorate his arrival in their town. He was asked to give
speeches, and the amount of money he raised increased.
Fox ran for an amazing 143 days straight. But his run came to an end one day
when he couldn’t catch his breath and he began experiencing chest pain. He was
taken to the hospital and doctors confirmed that his cancer had returned and
spread to his lungs. After running over three thousand miles, he was forced to
stop.
His journey had raised over $1.7 million by the time he was hospitalized. But
as the news of his hospitalization circulated, he gained even more support. A

---

five-hour telethon raised $10.5 million. Donations continued and by the next
spring, Fox had raised over $23 million. Although he attempted a variety of
treatments, his cancer continued to spread, and in June of 1981, Fox died from
complications of his cancer.
Fox understood he couldn’t control every aspect of his health. He couldn’t
stop people from getting cancer. He couldn’t even control the spread of the
disease in his own body. Instead of focusing on those things, he chose to put his
energy into the things he could control.
In his letter requesting support prior to his run, Fox made it clear he didn’t
think his run would cure cancer, but he knew it would make a difference. “The
running thing I can do, even if I have to crawl every last mile,” he said.
His choice to do something that seemed unimaginable gave him a purpose that
continues today. Each year, countries all over the world participate in the Terry
Fox run. Over $650 million has been raised in his honor.
When you stop trying to control every aspect of your life, you’ll have more
time and energy to devote to things you can control. Here are some of the
benefits you’ll experience:
• Increased happiness—The maximum level of happiness is achieved when
people have a balanced locus of control. Coined as a “bi-local expectancy,”
the people who understand that they can take a lot of steps to control their
lives while also recognizing the limitations of their ability are happier than
people who think they can control everything.
• Better relationships—When you give up your need for control, you’ll likely
experience better relationships. You’ll have fewer trust issues and you’ll
welcome more people into your life. You may be more willing to ask for
help, and other people are likely to view you as less critical. Research
indicates that people who stop trying to control everything experience an
increased sense of belonging and community.
• Less stress—When you stop carrying around the weight of the world, you’ll
feel less stressed. You may experience more short-term anxiety as you give
up control, but over the long term, you’ll have a lot less stress and anxiety.

---

• New opportunities—When you have a strong need to control things, you’ll
be less likely to invite change into your life because there aren’t any
guarantees of a positive outcome. When you choose to give up your need to
control everything, you’ll have increased confidence in your ability to handle
new opportunities.
• More success—Although most people who want to control everything have a
deep desire to be successful, having an internal locus of control can actually
interfere with your chances of success. Research shows that it’s possible to
become so focused on ensuring you’ll be successful, you could actually
overlook opportunities that could help you advance. When you give up your
desire to control everything, you’ll be more willing to look around and you
may recognize good fortune that comes your way even if it isn’t directly
related to your behavior.