13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

PRACTICE BEHAVING ASSERTIVELY
Confrontation doesn’t have to be bad or scary. In fact, assertive discussions can
actually be quite healthy and sharing your concerns can improve relationships.
At one point, Megan confronted her cousin and told her that she felt like she had
been taken advantage of in the past. Her cousin apologized, said she had no idea
Megan ever felt like that and she wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.
Megan accepted some responsibility for her feelings and her behavior, since she
didn’t speak up to say no when she was asked to do things she didn’t want to do.
Megan and her cousin were able to repair their relationship instead of allowing it
to dissolve.
Speak up if someone takes advantage of you and ask for what you need. You
don’t have to be demanding or rude, but instead, remain respectful and polite.

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Express your feelings and stick to the facts. Use “I” statements, such as “I’m
frustrated that you’re always thirty minutes late,” instead of “You’re never on
time.”
I work with a lot of parents who can’t stand it when their children aren’t
happy. They don’t want to tell their kids they can’t do something because they
don’t want their kids to cry or accuse them of being mean. Whether it’s your
children, a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger, sometimes it feels
uncomfortable to know someone is angry at you if you’re not used to speaking
up for yourself. But with practice, that discomfort becomes easier to tolerate and
behaving assertively is easier to do.
ACCEPTING THAT YOU CAN’T PLEASE
EVERYONE MAKES YOU STRONGER
Mose Gingerich struggled with a decision that most of us can’t imagine ever
having to make. He was raised in an Amish community in Wisconsin where his
days were spent plowing the fields and milking the cows by hand. But Mose
wasn’t convinced he wanted to remain Amish. In a community where questions
were discouraged, Mose questioned everything he’d been taught about God and
the Amish way of life.
He spent years wrestling with the idea of leaving the Amish community. The
Amish way of life was all he’d ever known. To permanently leave, he’d never
again be allowed contact with anyone in the Amish community, including his
mother and his siblings. Besides, stepping into the “English world” would be
like entering a foreign land. Mose had never been allowed to use modern-day
conveniences, like computers, or even electricity. How could he possibly make it
on his own in the outside world that he didn’t know much about?
Entering a relatively unknown world wasn’t the scariest part for Mose.
Instead, he was most terrified that he’d go to hell. He’d always been warned that
the Amish God was the only God, and to leave the Amish meant he’d be leaving
God. The Amish elders told him that there was no hope for people in the outside
world. Individuals who left the Amish, but tried to remain Christians, were only
playing with fire.

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Mose temporarily left his Amish community a couple of times during his
teenage and young adult years. He traveled around the country and learned about
other Amish cultures and got a taste of the outside world. His explorations
helped him to develop his own view of the world and of God. And ultimately, he
decided his views weren’t in line with the Amish community’s beliefs. So Mose
decided to leave his Amish life behind once and for all.
Mose created a new life for himself in Missouri, where he’s experienced a
variety of adventures ranging from opening his own construction business to
starring in reality TV shows. He’s had to make his own way without any help
from his family, because they, and all the other people in his former community,
no longer speak to him. Mose sometimes mentors other ex-Amish young people
as they struggle to integrate into the “English world” since Mose knows
firsthand that finding a job, getting a driver’s license, and developing an
understanding of cultural norms can be difficult without support.
I had an opportunity to ask him how he made that decision and he told me that
by confronting his own beliefs, he realized that “this world is what one makes of
it, and that one makes what one chooses. And that those choices were mine. So I
chose to leave, and I threw my lot in with the modern world. And every day that
I wake up next to my wife, my two girls, and my stepson, I thank God that I
did.”
If Mose had focused on trying to please everyone, he’d still be living in the
Amish community, even though he knew it wasn’t right for him. But Mose was
strong enough to step away from everything he’d ever been taught, and everyone
he’d ever known, to do what he felt was the right choice for him. He’s satisfied
with the life that he’s built for himself, and he’s secure enough in who he is to
tolerate the disapproval from the entire Amish community.
Your words and your behavior must be in line with your beliefs before you
can begin to enjoy a truly authentic life. When you stop worrying about pleasing
everyone and, instead, are willing to be bold enough to live according to your
own values, you’ll experience many benefits:
• Your self-confidence will soar. The more you’re able to see that you don’t
have to make people happy, the more independence and confidence you’ll
gain. You’ll feel content with the decisions you make, even when other

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people disagree with your actions, because you’ll know you made the right
choice.
• You’ll have more time and energy to devote to your goals. Instead of wasting
energy trying to become the person you think others want you to be, you’ll
have time and energy to work on yourself. When you channel that effort
toward your goals, you’ll be much more likely to be successful.
• You’ll feel less stressed. When you set limits and healthy boundaries, you’ll
experience a lot less stress and irritation. You’ll feel like you have more
control over your life.
• You’ll establish healthier relationships. Other people will develop more
respect for you when you behave in an assertive manner. Your
communication will improve and you’ll be able to prevent yourself from
building a lot of anger and resentment toward people.
• You’ll have increased willpower. An interesting 2008 study published in the
Journal of Experimental Psychology showed that people have much more
willpower when they’re making choices on their own accord rather than out
of an attempt to please someone else. If you’re only doing something to make
someone else happy, you’ll struggle to reach your goal. You’ll be motivated
to keep up the good work if you’re convinced it’s the best choice for you.