13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

CLARIFY YOUR VALUES
Imagine a single mother who works a full-time job at a factory. One day, when

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she wakes her son up for school, he says he doesn’t feel well. She checks his
temperature and he has a slight fever. Clearly, he can’t go to school.
She has to decide what to do with him for the day. She doesn’t have any
friends or family members who can stay with him. She could call in sick to her
job, but she won’t get paid if she takes the day off. If she doesn’t get paid for the
day, she’ll struggle to afford groceries for the week. She also worries that
missing another day of work could put her job at risk. She’s already missed a lot
of days due to the children being sick.
She decides to leave her son home alone for the day. She knows other people
will likely have a negative opinion about her choice to leave a sick child home
alone when he’s only ten years old. However, her values tell her it’s the right
choice given her circumstances, regardless of how others may judge her. It’s not
that she values her job more than her son. In fact, she values her family more
than anything. But she knows that going to work is best for the greater good of
her family in the long run.
When you’re faced with decisions in your life, it’s important to know exactly
what your values are so you can make the best choices. Could you easily list
your top five values off the top of your head? Most people can’t. But if you
aren’t really clear on your values, how do you know where to put your energy,
and how to make the best decisions? Taking time to clarify your values can be a
very worthwhile exercise. Common values include:
• Children
• Romantic relationship
• Extended family
• Religious/Spiritual beliefs
• Volunteering or helping other people
• Career
• Money

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• Maintaining good friendships
• Taking care of your physical health
• Having a sense of purpose
• Leisure activities
• Pleasing people
• Education
Pick your top five values in life and rank them in order from most important
to least important. Now stop and think about whether you are actually living
according to those values. How much of your time, money, energy, and skill is
devoted to each one? Are you putting too much effort into something that’s not
even on your list?
Where on your list does pleasing people fall? It should never be at the top.
Reviewing the order of your list from time to time can help you determine if
your life is out of balance.
TAKE TIME TO DECIDE WHETHER TO SAY YES OR NO
In the case of Megan, she avoided her cousin because she knew she couldn’t say
no if she was asked to do a favor. To help her say no, we developed a script.
Whenever anyone asked her to do something, she responded by saying, “Let me
see what I have going on and I’ll get back to you.” That bought her some time to
really think about whether she wanted to do something. Then, she could ensure
that if she said yes it was because she wanted to, not simply because she wanted
to please others at her own expense.
If automatically saying yes has become a habit in your life, learn how to
evaluate your decision before giving an answer. When someone asks you to do
something, ask yourself these questions before responding:
• Is this something I want to do? Most people pleasers don’t even know what

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they want because they’re so used to doing things automatically. Take a
moment to evaluate your opinion.
• What will I have to give up by doing this? If you do something for someone
else, you’ll have to give something up. Maybe it’s time with your family or
perhaps it will cost you money. Before making a decision, recognize what
saying yes will mean for you.
• What will I gain by doing this? Maybe it will give you an opportunity to
improve your relationship, or maybe doing something like this will likely be
something you enjoy. Think about the potential benefits of saying yes.
• How will I feel if I do it? Are you likely to feel angry and resentful? Or will
you feel happy and proud? Take some time to imagine how you’re likely to
feel as you weigh your options.
Like Megan discovered, you don’t need to have an excuse about why you
can’t do something. When you say no, you can say something such as “I wish I
could but I’m not going to be able to do that” or “Sorry, but I won’t be able to.”
If you’re not used to saying no, it can take some practice, but it gets easier with
time.