13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

PEOPLE-PLEASING SIGNS

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While in chapter 2 we discussed how giving away your power is about allowing
people to control how you feel; people pleasing is about trying to control how
other people feel. Do you respond positively to any of the points below?
You feel responsible for how other people feel.
The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable.
You tend to be a “pushover.”
You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion.
You often apologize even when you don’t think you did anything wrong.
You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or your feelings
are hurt.
You tend to say yes when people ask you for favors, even if you really don’t
want to do something.
You change your behavior based on what you think other people want.
You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people.
If you hosted a party and people didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves,
you’d feel responsible.
You seek praise and approval from people in your life often.
When someone around you is upset, you take responsibility for trying to
make him or her feel better.
You would never want anyone to think you are selfish.
You often feel overscheduled and overburdened by all the things you have to
do.

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Do any of those examples sound familiar? Attempts to be a “nice person” can
backfire when your behavior crosses over into people pleasing. It can take a
serious toll on all areas of your life and make it impossible to reach your goals.
You can still be a kind and generous person without trying to please everyone.
WHY WE TRY TO PLEASE PEOPLE
Megan strived to develop a reputation as someone who could always meet other
people’s needs. Her self-worth was fueled by the way other people seemed to
perceive her. She went to such great lengths to make others happy because in her
mind the alternatives—finding herself in the midst of conflict, feeling rejected,
or losing relationships—were much worse than the emotional and physical
exhaustion she felt.
FEAR
Conflict and confrontation can be uncomfortable. It’s usually not enjoyable to sit
between squabbling coworkers in a meeting. And who wants to attend a family
holiday gathering when their relatives are arguing? Fearing conflict, we tell
ourselves, If I can make everyone happy, everything will be okay.
When a people pleaser sees a car approaching quickly, he may drive faster
because he thinks, That guy is in a hurry. I don’t want to make him mad by going
too slow. People pleasers may also fear rejection or abandonment. If I don’t make
you happy, you won’t like me. They thrive on praise and reassurance from others,
and if they’re not receiving enough positive reinforcement, they change their
behavior to try and make people feel happy.