13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

KEEPING EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL
It feels so safe to have everything under control, but thinking we have the power
to always pull the strings can become problematic. Do you respond positively to
any of these points below?
You spend a lot of time and energy trying to prevent anything bad from
happening.
You invest energy into wishing other people would change.
When faced with a tough situation, you think you can single-handedly fix
everything.
You believe the outcome of any situation is entirely based on how much
effort you choose to exert.
You assume that good luck has nothing to do with success. Instead, it’s
completely up to you to determine your future.
Other people sometimes accuse you of being a “control freak.”
You struggle to delegate tasks to other people because you don’t think they’ll
do the job right.
Even when you recognize you aren’t able to completely control a situation,
you struggle to let it go.
If you fail at something, you believe you are solely responsible.
You don’t feel comfortable asking for help.

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You think people who don’t reach their goals are completely responsible for
their situation.
You struggle with teamwork because you doubt the abilities of other people
on the team.
You have difficulty establishing meaningful relationships because you don’t
trust people.
Are you guilty of any of the examples above? We can’t possibly make all our
circumstances and all the people in our lives fit into the way we think things
should be. When you learn to let go of the details you can’t control, the amount
of time and energy you’ll be able to devote to the things you can control will
give you the ability to accomplish incredible feats.
WHY WE TRY TO CONTROL
EVERYTHING
James felt very guilty about the divorce. He had tried to make his marriage work
with Carmen, because he wanted their daughter to grow up in a stable home.
When their relationship ended, he didn’t want their daughter to suffer.
Clearly, James was a loving father who worried about his daughter’s well-
being. It was terrifying for him to recognize how little control he had over what
happened to his daughter when she was with her mother. To reduce his anxiety,
he tried to control as much of the situation as he could. He thought that if he
were able to control everything—from who his ex-wife dated to the type of rules
she had in her home—he would feel better.
Trying to control everything usually starts out as a way to manage anxiety. If
you know you have everything under control, what’s there to worry about?
Rather than focusing on managing your anxiety, you try controlling your
environment.
The desire to fix everything can also stem from a sort of superhero complex.
We hold on to the mistaken belief that if we just try hard enough, everything will

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turn out the way we want. Rather than delegating a task to a coworker, or
trusting a spouse to run an errand, we often choose to do it ourselves to make
sure it will be “done right” because we don’t trust in other people’s capabilities.