13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

TROUBLESHOOTING AND COMMON TRAPS
There are usually many different ways to solve a particular problem. If your
current method hasn’t been successful, be open to trying something new.
Learning from each mistake requires self-awareness and humility, but it can be
one of the biggest keys to reaching your full potential.
WHAT’S HELPFUL
Acknowledging your personal responsibility for each mistake
Creating a written plan to prevent repeating the mistake
Identifying triggers and warning signs of old behavior patterns
Practicing self-discipline strategies

---

WHAT’S NOT HELPFUL
Making excuses or refusing to examine your role in the outcome
Responding impulsively without thinking about alternatives
Putting yourself in situations where you are likely to fail
Assuming you can always resist temptation or deciding you’re doomed
to keep repeating your mistakes

---

CHAPTER 9
THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S
SUCCESS
Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill
your enemies.
—NELSON MANDELA
Dan and his family frequently attended social gatherings in their neighborhood.
They lived in the type of community where backyard barbecues were common
and parents often attended each other’s children’s birthday parties. Dan and his
wife even hosted get-togethers on occasion. From all accounts, Dan was a
friendly, outgoing man who seemed to have it all together. He had a nice house
and a good job with a reputable company. He also had a lovely wife and two
healthy children. But Dan had a secret.
He despised attending parties where he had to hear about Michael’s
impressive promotion or Bill’s brand-new car. It angered Dan that his neighbors
could afford expensive vacations and the greatest toys on the market. Ever since
he and his wife had decided that she should quit her job to become a stay-at-
home parent a few years ago, money was tight. His efforts to keep up the

---

appearance of financial abundance had left Dan deeply in debt. In fact, he was
keeping secrets from his wife about the extent of their financial problems. But
Dan felt he needed to keep up the charade that they could financially compete
with the neighbors, at all costs.
Dan decided to seek help when his wife told him he needed to do something
about his short fuse. When he initially came to therapy, he said he wasn’t sure
how therapy could help. He knew his irritability was caused by the fact that he
was so tired all the time. And the reason he was so tired was because he had to
work long hours to pay the bills.
We talked about his financial situation and the reasons he felt compelled to
work such long hours. At first, he blamed his neighbors for his long workdays.
He said they all prided themselves on having such nice things that he was forced
to keep up with them. When I gently challenged whether he was “forced” to keep
up with them, he agreed that he didn’t have to, but he wanted to.
Dan agreed to attend a few more therapy sessions, and over the next few
weeks his resentment toward his neighbors became apparent. When we explored
some of the reasons why he was so angry with his neighbors, Dan revealed that
he had grown up poor and he never wanted his children to feel like he did as a
child. He’d been teased and bullied because his family couldn’t afford expensive
clothing or toys like the other kids had. So he prided himself on keeping up with
other people so he could offer his family a comparable lifestyle to those around
him.
Deep down, however, Dan valued time with his family more than his
possessions. And the more we talked about the type of lifestyle he was living, the
more disgusted he felt with himself. He knew he’d rather spend time with his
family than work overtime to buy them more things. Slowly, Dan began to
change the way he thought about his behavior, and he focused more on his own
goals and his own values, rather than keeping up with the neighbors.
Dan’s wife eventually joined him for a therapy session, and he revealed to her
that he’d been borrowing money at times to pay the bills. She was
understandably surprised to hear Dan’s confession, but he shared with her his
new plan to live according to his values, and not above their means just to
compete with the neighbors. She became supportive of him and agreed to hold
him accountable throughout the process.

---

It took a lot of work for Dan to change the way he thought about himself, his
neighbors, and his overall status in his life. But once he stopped competing with
his neighbors and he began focusing on the things that were really important to
him, he felt a lot less resentment toward others. He also became a lot less
irritable.