13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

REFRAME YOUR LANGUAGE
Sometimes retaining your power means changing the way you look at the
situation. Examples of language that indicates you’re giving away your power
include:
• “My boss makes me so mad.” You may not like your boss’s behavior, but
does he really make you feel angry? Perhaps your boss behaves in a manner
that you don’t like and it may influence how you feel, but he’s not forcing
you to feel anything.
• “My boyfriend left me because I’m not good enough.” Are you really not
good enough or is that just one person’s opinion? If you took a poll of a
hundred people, it’s not likely that they’d all come to that same consensus.
Just because one person thinks something, it doesn’t make it true. Don’t give
one person’s opinion of you the power to determine who you are.
• “My mom makes me feel really bad about myself because she’s always so
critical of me.” As an adult, are you obligated to listen to your mother make
critical statements about you over and over? Just because she makes
comments you don’t like, does it really have to lower your self-esteem?

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• “I have to invite my in-laws over for dinner every Sunday night.” Do your in-
laws really force you to do that or is that a choice you make because it’s
important to your family?
THINK BEFORE YOU REACT
Rachel brought her sixteen-year-old daughter to me for therapy because her
daughter refused to listen to her. No matter what she told her daughter to do, she
just wouldn’t do it. I asked Rachel how she reacted when her daughter refused to
follow her directions. Out of exasperation, she told me, she yelled and argued
with her. Each time her daughter said, “No!,” Rachel yelled, “Do it!”
Rachel didn’t realize it, but she was giving her daughter a lot of power. Every
minute that she argued with her daughter was one more minute her daughter
could put off cleaning her room. Each time she lost her temper, Rachel gave
away some of her power. Instead of controlling her daughter’s behavior, Rachel
was giving her daughter power to control her.
If someone says something you don’t like, and you yell or begin to argue, you
give those words you don’t like even more power. Make a conscious choice to
think about how you want to behave before you react to other people. Every time
you lose your cool, you give that other person your power. Here are some
strategies to help you stay calm when you’re tempted to react negatively:
• Take deep breaths. Frustration and anger cause physical reactions within the
body—an increased rate of breathing, an elevated heart rate, and sweating to
name a few. Taking slow, deep breaths can relax your muscles and decrease
the physiological response, which in turn can decrease your emotional
reactivity.
• Excuse yourself from the situation. The more emotional you feel, the less
rational you’ll think. Learn to recognize your personal warning signs of anger
—such as shaking or feeling flushed—and remove yourself from the
situation before you lose your cool. This may mean saying, “I am not willing
to talk about that right now,” or it may mean walking away.
• Distract yourself. Don’t try solving a problem or addressing an issue with

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someone when you’re feeling overly emotional. Instead, distract yourself
with an activity, like walking or reading, to help you calm down. Getting
your mind off what’s bothering you, even for a few minutes, can help you
calm down so you can think more rationally.