50 Successful Harvard Application Essays

VI. PASSION

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Writing about something important to you can go a long way in a personal statement. The essays in
this section describe something the author is passionate about, and they are generally successful. This
can be a great medium to demonstrate why a school should admit you and what you’ll do with your
education. Showing passion for something—be it academics, an extracurricular, or a way of thinking
—reassures the admissions office that you are more than a résumé.
But with that in mind, it is important to make sure that essays do demonstrate passion successfully;
otherwise, they come off as halfhearted excuses for listing accomplishments and abilities—a huge
turnoff in a personal essay.
Also, remember that most people are not as passionate as you are about your topic. When writing
about a passion, you have to not only sell yourself, but also the thing you are describing. Generally, if
you care enough about your topic, this sentiment will show through, making this class of essays a
strong choice for the personal statement. The focus of the essay can remain on you while you can
describe something simpler than the entirety of who you are as a person.

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Y
E
Z
HAO
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to
fool.
—Richard Phillips Feynman, Caltech commencement address, 1974
The closing ceremony started. One after another, participants went up the stage to receive what were
deserving of us. I had gotten a bronze medal. It was not too bad considering that it was my first time
in such a competition.
“Now for the special awards,” the emcee announced. “The best female participant for the Asian
Physics Olympiad 2008 is Ye Zhao from Singapore.”
The audience broke into rapturous applause, leaving me in a pleasant surprise. Quickly, I was
prompted to go up the stage. I felt honored and even delighted. Getting top for something in an
international competition should be quite an achievement; my parents and teachers will be very proud
of me. Off the stage, other female participants came over to congratulate me, albeit with a tad of envy.
My very frank fellow male Singapore participant who has gotten gold in the same competition joked:
“I have gotten gold. Yet you are given a nice trophy and a camera when you got bronze. It is all
because that you are a girl.”
It was all because that I am a girl. My spirit sank. The crystal trophy suddenly became heavy. It was
like a hammer pounding my heart.
The issue of gender never concerned me until then. Being brought up in a coeducational school
where boys and girls did equally well in class, I never really felt that guys are in anyway superior to
their female counterparts. However, this time, I felt a pinch in my heart. I felt that we are not quite on
the same footing after all (for physics at least). They are guys. We are girls.
Special awards are set up for the females in Physics Olympiads because people feel that girls will
not perform as well as boys in physics. Though I believe that there is no inherent difference between
the genders, I witnessed the differences between the performance of males and females in the subject.
In my Physics Honors class, among the participants for the Olympiads and for any physics faculty in
university, there are a disproportionately small percentage of females.
In the midst of all the chattering from the participants, I was thrown into deep thought. The award
was set up to encourage girls in physics and yet is a stark reminder of the perceived “intellectual” gap
between males and females. What impression does it leave behind for females who aspire for the
pinnacle of the field? What mark will such reminders make in the subconscious of little girls who
might have wanted to fiddle around with machines alongside their brothers?
I finally accepted the award with much ambivalence and even a tinge of regret. But then, I knew

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there is no other sensible thing to do without creating a big fuss. The trophy now serves as a
reminder, not of an achievement but of a duty. I will strive to be a role model female physicist. And I
will work toward the day when all will find special awards of this sort unnecessary. Whether female
or male, I believe that with our love for physics, we can excel in the field equally.
REVIEW
Ye writes a very compelling narrative that displays her talent for physics as well as her social
awareness and determination to be a leader in her field. Her writing style is very direct and easy for
the reader to understand. Despite the occasional instances of awkward syntax, Ye remains an effective
narrator who lets the reader into a defining moment of her life.
Ye’s narration of the award ceremony demonstrates her personal growth and maturity to the
admissions committee. Most people may write about an award ceremony as an end point to show their
hard work and accomplishments, but to Ye it was a learning point and moment of profound
realization. The readers are able to grasp her emotions as she effectively conveys the weight of the
words, “It is all because that you are a girl.”
In this moment, Ye is able to uncover a subtle paradox: The existence of the special award for girls
clearly acknowledges a gender gap. As she tells the reader about her previous observations of gender
inequality, she maintains a conversational yet persuasive tone, conveying a sense of urgency. Thus the
reader cannot help but see the importance of the issue and want to support girls like Ye who “might
have wanted to fiddle around with machines alongside their brothers.” Although Ye herself clearly
excels in the field, the reader perceives her social consciousness and awareness of the barriers that
other girls may face.
Overall, Ye portrays herself as an accomplished female who realizes her unique position and
wants to bring equal opportunity in physics to all females. In her drive to be “a role model female
physicist,” Ye shows great promise as a passionate leader who will empower other females and share
her dedication with her classmates at Harvard.
—Michelle S. Lee

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