A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Parent: You don’t think you’re too young? Are you 
sure you can handle all the feelings that go along 
with it? What about your reputation? 
Daughter: Look, Mom, I’ve been messing around 
with Kenny for longer than you know. I’m handling 
it. I love him. He loves me. My reputation is fine. 
Parent: OK. Look, I just wanted to talk about those 
things—to make sure you were thinking about 
them. I didn’t have sex with anyone when I was 
fifteen, and I didn’t think my daughter would either. 
Daughter: Sorry to disappoint you. But I’m really OK. 
It’s nice of you to care. Sort of. 
Parent: Well, I’m not completely convinced that 
you’re OK, but I’ll leave it alone for now. But if 
you’re going to be doing it—and there’s no way I 
can stop you, I guess—then can we at least make 
sure you’re using a form of contraception that’s a 
little more reliable? 
I’m too tired to do this. I’m sick of my child and I don’t 
have the energy to do all the talking and working 
things out that you’ve described. Any advice? 
Living with an explosive child requires a lot of energy. 
Which means we’ve got to find ways to get you your energy 
back. I’ve seen the approach described in this book accom-
plish just that. As parents begin to understand their child’s 

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176 
The Explosive Child 
difficulties and respond in a more productive fashion, then 
the child begins to explode less. Then the parent starts to feel 
a greater sense of empowerment. As things continue to go 
well, the parent begins to feel more energized and optimistic. 
But it’s also the case that some parents need to focus on 
themselves (sometimes with a therapist), find ways to 
spend time away from the child and recharge, and find ways 
to focus on other aspects of life besides the child. Mental 
health clinicians, support groups, social service agencies, 
spouses, relatives, and friends can sometimes be of help. 

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8 
Teach Your Children Well 
W
e’ve covered a fair amount of 
ground already. At this point, I hope you have a sense of 
your child’s pathways (skills that need to be taught) and 
have identified various triggers that routinely precipitate 
explosive outbursts (problems that need to be solved). 
Perhaps you’ve reduced some of the tension in your 
household by eliminating some unnecessary or unrealis-
tic expectations (with Plan C). And perhaps you’ve re-
duced the likelihood of explosions even further by 
collaboratively solving some of the problems that were 
precipitating those explosions (with Plan B). Bear in 
177 

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178 
The Explosive Child 
mind that you may feel as if you’re slogging through 
mud in your first attempts at Plan B. It can take a while 
to get into a Plan B rhythm. 
However, as you’ve read, it’s also the case that there 
are some specific skills that are necessary for a child to