A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

Parent: I’ve noticed that the labels in your clothing 
bug you a lot. 
Child: Yeah. 
Parent: And I’ve noticed that it’s not so easy for you 
to say that the labels are bugging you. 
Child: It’s not? 
Parent: Well, when the labels bother you, sometimes 
you scream or say some words that aren’t very 
nice. 
Child: Oh, yeah. 
Parent: So, I was thinking that maybe we could 
come up with a way for you to say that the labels 
are bugging you without you saying words that 
aren’t very nice. Can you think of any ideas for 
what you could say? 
Of course, since children do well if they can, we’d 
have to assume that if the child already knew more ap-
propriate words, he’d already be using them. So be pre-
pared to offer a few suggestions: 

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182 
The Explosive Child 
Child: No. 
Parent: I have an idea. Would you like to hear it? 
Child: OK. 
Parent: How about “The label’s bothering me”? 
Child: Uhm . . . OK.
Parent: Do you think you might be able to say that 
when the label’s bothering you instead of some 
of the things you usually say? 
Child: I think so. 
Parent: If you forget, how about I remind you? 
Incidentally, by merely raising the issue, you’ve let the 
child know that you don’t think his choice of words is 
appropriate (of course, he probably knew that already). 
Naturally, your child’s new vocabulary won’t be in-
grained in one day. He’ll almost certainly need some in-
the-moment reminders: 
Child: I hate this shirt! It sucks! 
Parent: Uh-oh . . . looks like the label is bugging you. 
Note that the parent isn’t reminding by saying “Don’t 
forget what we agreed on yesterday” or “You can’t talk to 
me that way,” because these aren’t specific enough re-
minders of the new vocabulary. 
Of course, “The label is bothering me” is a highly spe-
cific phrase. It applies only to situations in which labels 

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Teach Your Children Well 
183 
are bothersome. So it’s often productive to teach a more 
general set of phrases that can be applied across many 
different situations. We adults greatly overestimate our 
own vocabularies when it comes to articulating frustra-
tions. The truth is, we’re usually relying on just a few 
reliable expressions. Phrases you might want to consider 
teaching your child include “Gimme a minute,” “I can’t 
talk about that right now,” “I need help,” “I don’t feel 
right,” “This isn’t going the way I thought it would,” and “I 
don’t know what to do.” Teaching these phrases looks ex-
actly the same as the “labels” phrase above. And it’s a 
sure bet some gentle reminding will be necessary on these 
phrases as well.