A new Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated

participate in Plan B discussions. As you’ll see, these 
skills were already described when the pathways were 
reviewed in Chapter 3; now we need to put some 
thought into how these skills can be taught. We’ll cover 
that topic next. And while we’re at it, we should be sure 
to touch upon other skills reviewed in Chapter 3, just to 
make sure we’ve got all our bases covered. 
SKILLS NEEDED TO PARTICIPATE IN PLAN B 
There are three basic skills necessary for your child to 
participate in Plan B discussions. First, he must be able to 
identify and articulate his concerns. Otherwise, we won’t 
be able to get two concerns onto the table and the Plan B 
ship won’t leave port. Second, he needs to be able to con-
sider a range of possible solutions, or the Plan B ship will 
run aground. Finally, he needs to be able to reflect on the 
feasibility and likely outcomes of solutions and the degree to 
which they are mutually satisfactor y. Otherwise, the Plan 
B ship will chug in random directions, perhaps never ar-
riving at a desired port. If your child is lacking these 

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Teach Your Children Well 
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skills, you’ve got more work to do. Let’s take ’em one at a 
time. 
Identifying and Articulating Concerns 
When you’re trying to get your child’s concerns on the 
table and you ask him “What’s up?” there’s a pretty good 
chance his response will be “I don’t know.” Does that mean 
Plan B is done for? No, but it does mean you have a skill to 
teach. Some kids truly don’t know what their concern is; 
others don’t have the language skills to articulate their con-
cern. Luckily, because explosions are highly predictable— 
once again, your child is often exploding over many of the 
same problems or frustrations—we can probably take very 
educated guesses as to what your child is frustrated about. 
Here’s what a Proactive Plan B discussion would 
sound like if you were trying to help your child identify 
his concern: