A prep course for the month-long World Cup soccer tournament, a worldwide pheno

 parents and teachers assessed conflict and anger in the home , marital discord 

, `` negative emotional tone '' in the parent-child relationship , and how well-

adjusted the children were . They found that child adjustment was more strongly 

related to overall family conflict than to parents ' having marital problems . (

 Marital trouble indisputably can have a powerful effect on the home , they note

 , but the results suggest that family norms `` for acceptable ways of handling 

anger and conflict may be more significant for child adjustment than is discord 

in the parents ' marriage . '' ) When anger is not dealt with effectively , chil

dren 's reactions vary some become depressed ; some behave poorly either at home

 or at school , Jaycox says . `` One of the things I think is most interesting i

s that apparently the kids are very tuned in to anger and react to it , '' she s

ays . She cites research that finds strong physiological and behavioral reaction

s in preschoolers to witnessing any kind of anger . `` It doesn't even have to b

e verbal or violent . '' Jaycox says `` there 's something to be said for shield

ing kids from some of the things parents are going to go through .. . but everyo

ne gets angry . It would actually be very unnatural for kids to grow up without 

seeing any of that . There 's no one right way to deal with conflict , Jaycox sa

ys , but there are guidelines : If you start an argument when the kids are there

 , try to resolve it while they 're present , too . `` There is some research th

at points out that if you also can resolve the dispute in front of the child , i

t can teach conflict resolution , and also that anger isn't toxic or lethal but 

natural and can be worked through , and people still love each other when it end

s . '' Avoid explosive anger by dealing with problems before they become overwhe

lming . Physical violence is particularly traumatic for children . Avoid blaming

 or criticizing the other parent when you 're in a dispute , and `` try to chara

cterize things in term of the conflict at hand '' ( as in , `` Dad and I were ar

guing about how some money was spent , '' instead of `` Your father spent all ou

r money on something stupid , and he 's always getting us in trouble like that '

' ) . Try to keep children from becoming involved . `` Some children become expe

rt at trying to resolve their parents ' conflict at too early an age , '' Jaycox

 says , by trying to smooth things out , negotiate for them or act out in some w

ay to distract parents from the argument .

 During the Cold War , the United States and its allies assessed every local con

flict for its quotient of strategic harm or benefit . With the Cold War ended , 

the allies believe that they may allow local conflict to remain local with relat

ive impunity . The war in the Balkans has been a semi-exception to this rule . T

he European powers have not felt that they could safely ignore the carnage there

 completely , but they have also not felt that any enemy could exploit this war 

to their serious harm . Serb expansionism under Slobodan Milosevic was , at wors

t , an ominous precedent . But this calculus may be due for a revision . Though 

the Bosnian government has accepted a European proposal for a Bosnian partition 

, the separatist Bosnian Serbs have not . The war seems all but certain to conti

nue , and the U.N. forces may soon be weakened by the reduction or even eliminat

ion of French and British support . If that happens , the conflict may continue 

as a Christian-Muslim conflict with outside support from the more ardent wing of

 each side 's co-religionists . To oversimplify , Serbs-against-Bosnian-Muslims 

could become Cossacks-against-Moujahedeen . At that point , this local conflict 

would begin to become a grim imitation of the Cold War proxy conflicts of old . 

This time it would be the shadow of terrorism , rather than the shadow of nuclea

r conflict , that would lengthen . The Muslim minorities in several European cou

ntries are increasingly aggrieved and militant . The heavy loss of Muslim life t

hat would result in the short term from a U.N. default in Bosnia could exacerbat

e their sense of grievance and foster the related militancy . The rhetoric heard

 at the sentencing of the World Trade Center terrorist bombers should remind us 

that the United States is not immune . That crime was utterly savage , and the l

ife sentences that have now been imposed are fully justified . But a great deal 

can be lost in cross-cultural translation , especially in a climate of rising ho

stility . That climate will only worsen if the situation in Bosnia worsens . `` 

We 're fighting them there so that we willn't have to fight them here , '' Ameri

can soldiers said in Korea and Vietnam . In this instance , ironically , it is r

efusing to defend Muslims there that may lead in time to defending against other

 Muslims here .

 Having pushed their trade dispute to the point of mutual disadvantage , the Uni

ted States and Japan are moved bravely ahead toward the status quo ante toward t

he policy positions of the Bush era that Candidate Clinton so willingly assailed

 and President Clinton so coyly embraces . Make no mistake : Japan is the clear 

winner in this test of wills , which is not to say that its weak governments hav

e enhanced the well-being of their people . Quite the reverse . If the Clinton a

dministration is to execute this latest flip-flop without excessive embarrassmen

t , it had better hope Japanese business prevails over Tokyo 's bureaucracy . Co

nsider the retreats ordered this week by U.S. . Special Trade Representative Mic

key Kantor in order to restart trade negotiations . He : Stated specifically tha

t the U.S. will not seek numerical targets in measuring commerce with Japan , a 

position Tokyo insisted upon from the start . Withdrew threats of retaliation if

 Japan fails to meet U.S. demands . Made it clear the United States will not imp

ose arbitrary deadlines for ever-elusive agreements . Registered no further obje

ctions to Japan 's refusal to come up with a tax cut package big enough to boost

 U.S. export sales . We cite these shifts not to pound the president but to prai

se him . Most of his retreats from the excessive foreign policy postures he set 

forth while running for the Oval Office have been prudent if not politically cor

rect . Refusal to commit ground troops to Bosnia , hesitation to send the Marine

s into Haiti , reluctance to use trade sanctions as a club against Chinese human

 rights violations - all these reflect good judgment . So if Clinton adjusts Jap

an trade policy , he will get no complaints from this corner . We have long been

 uncomfortable with the protectionists and managed-trade addicts in the left win

g of the Democratic Party . It has been Kantor 's unpleasant task to keep them a

t bay while trying to get the Japanese to take market-opening moves that are rea

lly in their own self-interest . He has a long way to go , but at least he has g

otten negotiators back to the table after a bad 100-day hiatus . The secret is t

o promote trends , not targets . If more Japanese auto dealers sell U.S. cars ( 

to cite a Kantor example ) , or if imports of key products move steadily upward 

, this may have to be sufficient if Japanese policy aims at continued improvemen

t . Trade agreements can help , but in the long run market forces will prove dec

isive . Already there are instances of foreign imports selling much cheaper than

 their domestic counterparts . Already , more Japanese manufacturers are outsour

cing abroad for parts and commodities that come at bargain prices . Once these t

rends are translated into improved Japanese living standards , the U.S. can rely

 on new world trade reforms to hasten the market-opening process . Meanwhile , t

he United States and Japan should work hard for mutual advantage rather than mut

ual disadvantage .

 An officer in Her Majesty 's armed forces was recently heard to quip that the A

llies would not have invaded Normandy if they had known how difficult it would b

e to commemorate it . Fifty years after the historic invasion of France by the A

llied Expeditionary Forces , a high-visibility program has been planned , but th

e scheduled events have caused more than a little consternation . Germany and Ru

ssia are offended that they have been excluded , and President Clinton , who has

 no wartime experience , is calling in consultants to come up with an appropriat

e theme . Finding the right message , however , will be much more difficult , si

nce the decision was made to mark this historic event in the traditional way whi

ch now not only seems outdated but wholly inadequate in today 's international e

nvironment . The world is a very different place than it was 50 years ago . For 

a start , the Germans , the evil-incarnate enemy , are now a united , democratic

 country , an important U.S. ally and the linchpin of stability in Europe . In a

ddition , one of the critical players on the allied side no longer exists . The 

Soviet Union , which heroically beat back Nazi attempts to conquer it , has spli

ntered into a mostly non-communist multi-country region . Rather than deal with 

these new complicating factors , the French , who are the hosts of the D-Day eve

nts , adopted a formula that accomplishes no particular objective . It does not 

place essential focus on the veterans , who are bound to be overshadowed by too 

many politicians , nor does it give the participating heads of state an opportun

ity to draw on D-Day 's contemporary meaning . Finding a way to reconcile wartim

e commemorations when the enemy is now your ally has been a problem for some tim

e . Ronald Reagan used the 40th anniversary for great rhetorical benefit , but t

hen felt he had to `` make it up '' to the Germans . After D-Day plus 40 ( and B

itburg ) , Western diplomats apparently promised the Germans they would be inclu

ded on the 50th . Of the nine heads of state that the French have invited , ( th

ey have successfully kept their list as secret as Overlord itself ) , it is know

n only that Germany and Russia are not among them . This is unfortunate . If any

 heads of state were going to participate in these events , inclusion should hav

e been the order of the day . The reason for it is simple : Who the protagonists

 were in 1944 is not nearly as important or relevant as the nature of the strugg

le itself . The `` great crusade , '' as Dwight Eisenhower , my grandfather , ca

lled it , was assembled to defeat fascism . This was successfully done , and Ger

many went through the painful process of de-Nazification . Reneging on our earli

er promise now implies that we harbor some belief that the Germans have a kind o

f ethnic original sin . The decision to exclude also constitutes the loss of a r

eal opportunity . Many contemporary Germans regard the Allied victory as the `` 

liberation '' of their country from the fascist grip , and they express gratitud

e that history turned out as it did . The German presence on the Normandy beache

s for the 50th would have given legitimacy to that feeling in Germany , and emph

asized Bonn 's own commitment to keeping fascism from ever dominating political 

life again . It was also wrong not to extend an invitation to the Russians , and

 perhaps other countries of the former Soviet Union . Failing to do so symbolica

lly decouples the Eastern and Western fronts , and ignores the impact the Soviet

 effort had on the success of D-Day . Even worse , failing to invite the former 

Soviets has given credence to those in the East who say the West never appreciat

ed their role in defeating Hitler . Such an omission also deepens the sense of i

solation that is now widely felt all over the region . Although Americans tend t

o play down the importance of symbolism , it is a highly potent force in many ot

her countries around the world . It is intriguing , for instance , that on VE Da

y plus 10 years , Germany became a full member of NATO . The dates agreed upon b

y the United States and its Allies must have been a clearly calculated effort to

 demonstrate Germany 's rebirth as a member of the international community . Why

 then is it so difficult some 40 years later ? As in so many other instances , t

he world is waiting for U.S. leadership . We should have insisted on complete in

clusion as a prerequisite for presidential participation . If not , the commemor

ation should have remained a veterans ' affair . The presence of Germany and Rus

sia would have brought valued closure to whatever wounds remain . But it would h

ave also underscored that those allies who fought not only won the war against f

ascism , their ultimate sacrifice eventually paved the way for a new Europe of p

eaceful democratic countries .

 THE RETURN OF JAFAR , Not Rated , 1994 , 66 minutes , Walt Disney Home Theatre 

, closed-captioned , $ 22.99 . This direct-to-video release is an unhappy return

 on Disney 's wildly successful `` Aladdin '' franchise , one that clearly did n

ot benefit from the billion-dollar bounty of the original 's theatrical , video 

and merchandising divisions . In fact , `` Jafar '' is betrayed all ' round by c

ost-consciousness : Cobbled together at overseas animation studios that serve Di

sney 's television needs rather than its theatrical ones , it pales in compariso

n to the `` The Lion King , '' Disney 's anticipated summer blockbuster . Blame 

it on the curse of the sequel , though many of the character voices are back , i

ncluding Gilbert Gottfried as the amoral , troublemaking parrot , Iago . Noticea

bly absent , however , is Robin Williams as the voice of the blue , shape-shifti

ng , manic-expressive Genie ( Williams was miffed about Disney 's tight purse st

rings , particularly after his vocal performance was singled out by every critic

 as the original 's most inspired touch ) . Here he 's replaced by Dan Castellan

eta , whose attempts at frenetic wit and zen irony fall flat ; perhaps Castellan

eta should have stayed in his Homer Simpson voice . The story itself seems sligh

t , focusing on assorted power struggles and revenge fantasies pitting the evil 

genie Jafar and his thief-henchman Abis Mal against Aladdin , Princess Jasmine a

nd the Sultan of Agrabah . Iago proves the catalyst for ruin and redemption , an

d there 's a climactic battle between Jafar and everyone else . Somehow , it fee

ls like a TV show , it plays like a TV show and it looks like a TV show .

 WASHINGTON North Carolina 's distinctive landscape and buildings are featured i

n a photographic exhibition at the National Building Museum . Architectural phot

ographer Tim Buchman traveled the state in the late 1980s to shoot the black-and

-white images for a book on the subject , `` North Carolina Architecture '' by C

atherine Bishir ( University of North Carolina Press , 516 pp. $ 59.95 ) . Organ

ized by subject matter , the 52 photographs on display include groupings of such

 architectural details as staircases , windows and rooflines and a section on fr

ont porches . Among the public and private structures , spanning the 18th to 20t

h centuries , are a rural worker 's home ; the swimming pool at Biltmore , a his

toric mansion in Asheville ; and the executive mansion in Raleigh . The travelin

g exhibition `` The Art of Building in North Carolina '' was organized by the vi

sual arts programs of North Carolina State University and Preservation/North Car

olina . It will remain at the museum , 401 F St. NW , through Oct. 9 ( 202 ) 272

-2448 .

 How do you keep ice cream from melting in the sun ? Let the sun cool it . The f

irst solar-powered refrigerated vending cart made its debut this month in Washin

gton . Even when the outdoor temperature pushes 90 degrees , the four 30-watt so

lar panels spread out like an umbrella above the vendor 's head will generate en

ough electricity to maintain approximately 500 popsicles at near zero degrees Fa

hrenheit . Even under overcast skies , the deep cycle-type battery keeps the com

pressor going . Super-efficient insulation keeps the cold in , eliminating the n

eed to stock the cart with 25 to 30 pounds of dry ice daily , about $ 10 worth .

 A solar system for a pushcart was conceived by New York industrial designer Ame

lia Amon and engineered by Jody Solell and Carmela Knepler of Solar Electrics in

 Fairfax , Va. Solarex of Frederick , Md. , made the lightweight panels .

 WASHINGTON Hardly anyone now remembers that one day Jackie Kennedy looked out f

rom the safe haven , the elegant plushness of the White House , and decided she 

must save Lafayette Square . Even then , Lafayette Park was full not only with m

arble monuments but also schoolchildren from Iowa , protesters with incomprehens

ible signs and fervent causes , tourists with cameras , and people worn out on t

he rough stones of the paths of life . Around the square run stood early 19th-ce

ntury residences , remnants of the time when this was the aristocratic place to 

live . Through several presidents , the need for more executive office space had

 threatened the early houses , leading to plans to replace them with tall office

 buildings that would cast shadows on the park and the people . Some might say J

acqueline Kennedy was concerned with her view from the White House . But a more-

generous view holds that having put the White House on its way to comfort , orde

r and glory , she was ready to spread out . She , and eventually her husband , a

greed to save Lafayette 's historic and architecturally splendid 19th-century re

sidential gems : Decatur House , Dolley Madison 's House , the other Cosmos Club

 houses , and Blair-Lee Houses and the Renwick Gallery . As a result , the cause

 of historic preservation would be given the imprimatur of presidential influenc

e . All her life , Jacqueline Kennedy had grown up in and been a guest in histor

ic houses and thus was respectful of the past . In fact , she was descended from

 a Frenchman who came over with the Marquis de Lafayette to fight the cause of t

he American Revolution . So she was especially susceptible to David Finley , cha

irman of the Fine Arts Commission . William Walton , a painter , writer and clos

e friend of the Kennedys , said , `` We had all but given up on Lafayette Square

 , when she told the president and me , ` You can't stop until the bulldozers ro

ll . ' She was a very strong lady . Her connections with the arts were so natura

l and not pretentious . We called in John Carl Warnecke , who understood office 

space . By making the buildings go back a block , we saved the historic houses o

n the square . '' Warnecke recently asked his staff to put together documents pe

rtaining to the saving of the square . One is a March 6 , 1962 , letter from Mrs

. Kennedy to Bernard L. Boutin , the General Services administrator . In it , sh

e writes that she is enclosing a letter from Finley and goes on to say : `` Beca

use of our interest in history and preservation , it really matters a great deal

 to the president and to myself that this is done well ; we have received so muc

h mail on this subject . `` Unfortunately , last summer the president okayed som

e plans for buildings ; he was in a hurry , he doesn't have time to bother himse

lf with details like this , he trusted the advice of a friend .. . and I really 

don't think it was the right advice . With all he has to do , at least I can spa

re him some minor problems like this . So , I turn to you for help . '' Now , wh

en we walk in Lafayette Square , we should tip a hat to Jacqueline Kennedy .

 WASHINGTON Hi ho , hi ho , it 's off to war we go . The Navy Museum is humming 

with the ballads and ditties that American fighting men and waiting women have s

ung to deal with the sorrow and separation of war . The show is an assemblage of

 recordings , battlefield band memorabilia and sheet music dating from the Civil

 War to Desert Storm . Its unintended but inescapable message is that we neither

 fight 'em nor write 'em like we used to . Our worst war , the Civil War that ki

lled more Americans than all those since , produced the best songs , including s

ome that were sung with equal emotion on both sides of the battle lines and stil

l have the power to draw cheers and tears . The divided hearts with which in Vie

tnam we waged our first losing war are reflected in the little and lousy music i

t produced . From the stirring `` Battle Hymn of the Republic '' to the mawkish 

`` Ballad of the Green Berets '' is both a musical and a moral decline . And let

 us pray history to draw a merciful veil over the cornball effusions produced by

 Hank Williams Jr. and others during Desert Storm . May they go into blessed obl

ivion with the jingoistic jingles of the Spanish-American War ( `` Do We Remembe

r Dewey at Manila ? Do We , Do We , Yer Bet Yer Life We Do ! '' ) . Although the

 aims of this handsomely presented exhibit are admittedly modest , as is the spa

ce allotted to it , visitors may wish the museum had taken a bigger swing at suc

h a fat pitch . Our martial music reflects much about the development of our nat

ional character , and that 's a subject upon which we cannot reflect too much . 

-O- STRIKE UP THE BAND : Sheet Music From the Civil War to Desert Storm , throug

h Dec. 31 at the Navy Museum ( 202 ) 433-4882 .

 A parade of historical figures and contemporary witnesses recounts the effort o

f women to control their own lives and find justice in `` A Century of Women , '

' a three-night special beginning Tuesday night on TBS . The second and third of

 the three two-hour segments run Wednesday and Thursday at the same time . The s

eries , which tells how women have lived , worked , loved , played and changed t

he course of history , uses an original drama as a narrative thread connecting p

ast and present . The drama features a fictional family , whose lives reflect th

e changes women have seen and created over the century . Justine Bateman , Olymp

ia Dukakis , Jasmine Guy , Talia Shire , Madge Sinclair , Brooke Smith and Teres