Clients‟ experience of counselling within a narrative framework
desiring containment-freedom
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Beauty and the Beast ( PDFDrive )
desiring containment-freedom (lines
1,2), to hold her own affect. She then moves towards containment- freedom as she accesses her own feelings (lines 3-6). However lines 5 and 6 appear to be over contained-overfree in that she seems to feel what others have put onto her. But she moves again towards containment-freedom as she senses that she is in touch with herself (line 7). This part of her can see her more positive selves (lines 8-10) and the active words convey a stronger sense of self. The shifts demonstrated in this section seem to display movement within the participant. The single adjectives on each line, (except line 7) journey through feelings and seem to show her process through the counselling session. The sense of being held/understood by the counsellor seems to justify her reality so that she can feel her own affect. This may be seen as empathy and/or positive regard being present in the counsellor, from the perspective of the participant. Once the participant has accessed her own feelings she can let herself feel what others have perhaps put on her, as if a „stupid‟ child steps into the session. But in doing this she continues to move by seeing that she is much more than this. The phrase in line 7 suggests a shift in awareness as if she accesses something new, a new self. This line particularly stands out because before and after it only single descriptive words appear on each line and this gives a sense of something unfolding. It is as if she moves through the emotions and feelings described by the 116 single words. Again, the way the journals have been written impacts on what they show and enfold. 4.3.6 Containment-freedom Although this has become the overall structure of the categories it was used as a category in the pilot study. Originally words that were included in this category were ones that gave a sense of movement and of being able to hold more than one perspective. Table vii. below illustrates some of these words: Table vii. To show movement and the possibility of holding more than one perspective. Column 1. Column 2. Column 3. Freer Exploring Cared for Satisfied Being Held Empowered Consolidating Mothered Enlightened Released Supported Hopeful Honesty with myself Valued Linked up put together Lighter Focussed on Drawn together Experiencing feelings Understood Stronger Confusion in place Warmth In touch with myself Tranquil Hate Content Calm Safe Balanced Questioning Detachment Skip in my step Searching Accepted Child inside Felt like a child 117 Reviewing the analysis and categories of the pilot study enabled me to see clearly that the words in columns 1 and 2 belong in the „towards containment-freedom‟ category for they show movement towards a more integrated state in that the participants were more aware of their own feelings. They were the same as or similar to words already put into this category. The words in column 3 were the same or similar to those in the „desire for containment-freedom‟ category. As the analysis was re-read the categories were more clearly defined and the polarity of „containment-freedom‟ moved to become the structure (p.126), or even the container for the other categories. Noting the changes enabled progression to the main study analysis, as hindsight helped provide a clearer perspective of the developing construct and categories. 4.4 The participants‟ responses to the pilot study The participants‟ initial responses to the analysis were encouraging. They were given a copy of their analysed journal plus an „Introduction to the Theoretical Constructs‟ and the brief key of the categories (appendix 10). I remained with them while they read their journal analysis in order to be present if they were upset or confused in any way. It felt important to remain aware of the sensitivity of such personal data and therefore seemed appropriate to show this integrity of care (Etherington 1996). However they were also assured that their honest response to the work was essential if the evaluation of the study was to be viable (appendix 9). At the meetings the participants are asked to read the „Introduction to the Theoretical Constructs‟ paper and then their journal analysis. As they read the analysis of their journals they made statements about what they were feeling. Several of their statements which were written down by me at the time, and checked by them, are included below: 118 “I keep smiling to myself because I think how does she know that.” “It‟s bringing up tears but that‟s alright.” “Moving between objective and subjective when it‟s about myself - that‟s a weird sensation.” “There‟s part of me that I thought you would never be able to see from what I wrote.” “It‟s amazing that you can decode it.” (Pilot study participants) Their overall opinion was that the analysis made sense in that it fitted their view of themselves and what was happening in their counselling and in their internal worlds at the time of writing. There was also a feeling that the analysis uncovered aspects of their internal journey that at the time of writing the journals was not available to their awareness. However with hindsight, and the analysis they felt that they were given something that added to their understanding of themselves and their internal processes. One said: “I feel as if I can learn a huge amount about myself from this.” She really seemed to appreciate the journal analysis as something that she could keep and use to understand the process of counselling and the way she worked as a client. Another participant after reading the analysis said: “No wonder it‟s an exhausting process this counselling business” (meaning being a client). It seemed that she had never realized before just how much effort she put into her own process. The constructs were also commented on by the participants. One stated: “I‟m sure I do all of this in about thirty seconds - all of them”. What felt very key to this process was that the constructs were understood by all the participants in that they could relate them to their experience of being a client. It seemed that the constructs made sense of their process, as one stated: “The pendulum fits with me - I do that a lot (she swung her arm from side to side) I feel very honoured and a little bit embarrassed - I‟ve been given something really special for me” 119 (participant). The above quote is a response to the category „towards containment-freedom‟. She seemed to feel embarrassed that I could have seen this vulnerable part of her that moved first in one direction and then another, but at the same time she appeared to feel that she had been given a gift. In turn this felt crucial to me as there had been a hope at the start of the journal keeping that participants would benefit from taking part in the research. Another felt that she related to the construct „desire for containment-freedom‟ as she said: “This is absolutely spot on - wanting to be contained and not being contained and the absolute feeling of abandonment - very true.” She made this comment after reading both the constructs paper and her analysis and felt that it fitted her very well, for she had felt a strong sense of abandonment at the end of most of her counselling sessions. On the construct overcontained-overfree another participant said: “What I picked up out of it is my struggle to go for freedom ……. I want it but can‟t really go for it - If I go for this freedom - then once I get that, then I‟m not going to have somebody there to hold onto me. That whole section has made my heart go thump thump thump - its tugging at me” (participant). This category seemed to give her a sense of what it was like to struggle with all the family voices (or internal objects/selves) that she longed to free herself from, while also defining her fear of isolation from them. It appeared to confirm and make sense of her experience as if it validated her experience as a client. Another participant thought that the category „fighting containment- freedom‟ fitted the battle she felt with her counsellor: “The battle, is a really bloody battle - I don‟t experience it with anyone else she‟s (the counsellor) my greatest adversary - wearing the head of everybody.” (participant) In theoretical terms this may be a good description of transference but it is transference from the client‟s perspective and seems to show how powerful this experience can be. 120 4.5 Conclusion The analysis of the pilot study led the way towards finding different aspects of containment and freedom and enabled the creation of six categories. These were formed by looking for similarities in the words and experiences described by the participants. The responses from the participants appeared to demonstrate how these categories were beginning to capture a sense of the lived experience (Ellis 1995) of the client in therapy. The participants‟ feedback gives validity to the categories in that they understood/felt them and could sense a fit within themselves, between entries in their journals, how they felt at the time of writing, and the categories chosen. |
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