communicate in a way that works for our partner or for us.
At times like these, women unknowingly tend to blame men and make them feel guilty for
their actions. Instead of remembering that her partner is doing the best he can, a woman could
assume the worst and sound critical and resentful. When she feels a surge of negative feelings,
it is especially difficult for a woman to speak in a trusting, accepting, and appreciative way. She
doesn't realize how negative and hurtful her attitude is to her partner.
When men become upset, they tend to become judgmental of women and women's feelings.
Instead of remembering that his partner is vulnerable and sensitive, a man may forget her
needs and sound mean and uncaring. When he feels a surge of negative feelings, it is especially
difficult for him to speak in a caring, understanding, and respectful way. He doesn't realize
how hurtful his negative attitude is to her.
These are the times when talking does not work. Fortunately, there is another alternative.
Instead of verbally sharing your feelings with your partner, write him or her a letter. Writing
letters allows you to listen to your own feelings without worrying about hurting your partner.
By freely expressing and listening to your own feelings, you automatically become more
centered and loving. As men write letters they become more caring, understanding, and
respectful; as women write letters they become more trusting, accepting, and appreciative.
Writing out your negative feelings is an excellent way to become aware of how unloving you
may sound. With this greater awareness you can adjust your approach. In addition, by writing
out your negative emotions their intensity can be released, making room for positive feelings to
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