surprised. I asked her to try it on. She said she wasn't in the mood.
At this point I gave up. I just forgot about sex. I buried myself in work and gave up my desire
for sex. In my mind I made it OK by suppressing my feelings of resentment. About two weeks
later, however, when I came home from work, she had prepared a romantic meal and was
wearing the nightgown I had bought her two weeks before. The lights were low and soft music
was on in the background.
You can imagine my reaction. All of a sudden I felt a surge of resentment. Inside I felt "Now
you suffer for four weeks." All of the resentment that I had suppressed for the last four weeks
suddenly was coming up. After talking about these feelings I realized that her willingness to
give me what I wanted released my old resentments.
When Couples Suddenly Feel Their Resentment
I began to see this pattern in many other situations. In my counseling practice, I also observed
this phenomenon. When one partner was finally willing to make a change for the better, the
other would become suddenly indifferent and unappreciative.
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As soon as Bill was willing to give Mary what she had been asking for, she would have a
resentful reaction like "Well, it is too late" or "So what."
Repeatedly I have counseled couples who have been married for over twenty years. Their
children have grown up and left home. Suddenly the woman wants a divorce. The man wakes
up and realizes that he wants to change and get help. As he starts to make changes and give her
the love she has been wanting for twenty years, she reacts with cold resentment.
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