unimportant.
5. When she says "You have no feelings. You are in your head," he says "What's wrong with
that? How else do you expect me to solve this problem?"
He reasons that she is being too critical and demanding because he is doing something that is
essential for him to solve problems. He feels unappreciated. In addition he doesn't recognize
the validity of her feelings Men generally don't realize how extremely and quickly they may
shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant. In his cave a man is
preoccupied with solving his problem and is unaware of how his indifferent attitude might feel
to others.
To increase cooperation both men and women need to understand each other better. When a
man begins to ignore his wife, she often takes it personally. Knowing that he is coping with
stress in his own way is extremely helpful but does not always help her alleviate the pain.
At such times she may feel the need to talk about these feelings. This is when it is important for
the man to validate her feelings. He needs to understand that she has a right to talk about her
feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has a right to withdraw into his cave and
not talk. If she does not feel understood then it is difficult for her to release her hurt.
FINDING RELIEF THROUGH TALKING
When a woman is stressed she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the
possible problems that are associated with her feelings. When she begins talking she does not
prioritize the significance of any problem. If she is upset, then she is upset about it all, big and
small. She is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather
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