Susan's most difficult task was to practice asking for what she wanted. She said to me,
"Why should I have to ask, after all I have done for him?" I explained that making him
responsible for knowing her wants was not only unrealistic but a big part of her problem.
She needed to be responsible for getting her needs fulfilled.
Jim's most difficult challenge was to be respectful of her changes and not expect her to be
the same accommodating partner he originally married. He recognized that it was as
difficult for her to set limits as it was for him to adjust to them. He understood that they
would become graceful as they had more practice.
As a man experiences limits, he is motivated to give more. Through respecting limits, he
automatically is motivated to question the effectiveness of his behaviour patterns and to start
making changes. When a woman realizes that in order to receive she needs to sets limits, then
automatically she begins to forgive her partner and explore new ways of asking for and
receiving support. When a woman set limits, she gradually learns to relax and receive more.
LEARNING TO RECEIVE
Setting limits and receiving are very scary for a woman. She is commonly afraid of needing too
much and then being rejected, judged, or abandoned. Rejection, judgment, and abandonment
are most painful because deep inside her unconscious she holds the incorrect belief that she is
unworthy of receiving more. This belief was formed and reinforced in childhood every time
she had to suppress her feelings, needs, or wishes.
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A woman is particularly vulnerable to the negative and incorrect belief that she doesn't deserve
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