invalidating feelings), she had not set her boundaries. Although she did not need to apologize,
she did acknowledge some responsibility for their problems.
As she gradually accepted that her inability to set limits and her tendency to give more had
contributed to their problems, she was able to be more forgiving. Taking responsibility for her
problem was essential to releasing her resentment. In this way they both were motivated to
learn new ways of supporting each other through respecting limits.
Step 3: Practice
Jim particularly needed to learn how to respect her boundaries, while Susan needed to learn
how to set them. Both of them needed to learn how to express honest feelings in a respectful
way. They agreed in this third step to practice setting and respecting limits, knowing that at
times they would make mistakes. Being able to make mistakes gave them a safety net while
they both practiced. These are some examples of what they learned and practiced:
Susan practiced saying "I don't like the way you are talking. Please stop yelling or I will
leave the room." After leaving the room a few times, she didn't need to do it anymore.
When Jim would make requests that she would later resent doing, she practiced saying "No,
I need to relax" or "No, I'm too busy today." She discovered that he was more attentive to her
because he understood how busy or tired she was.
Susan told Jim that she wanted to go on a vacation, and when he said he was too busy she
said that she would go alone. Suddenly he shifted his schedule and wanted to go.
When they talked and Jim interrupted, she practiced saying "I'm not finished, please hear
me out." Suddenly he started listening more and interrupting less.
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
