Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Pdfdrive com

15 · A Paradigm
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the following exchange between a patient (P) and a therapist (T): P. ‘I
have a new project – being on time.’
T. ‘I’ll try to cooperate.’
P. ‘I don’t care about you. I’m doing it for myself…. Guess what grade I got
on my history test!’
T. ‘B+.’
P. ‘How did you know?’
T. ‘Because you’re afraid to get an A.’
P. ‘Yes, I had an A, and I went over my paper and crossed out three correct
answers and put in three wrong ones.’
T. ‘I like this conversation. It’s Jerk-free.’
P. ‘You know, last night I was thinking how much progress I’ve made. I
figured I was only 17 per cent Jerk now.’
T. ‘Well, so far this morning it’s zero, so you’re entitled to 34 per cent
discount on the next round.’
P. ‘It all began six months ago, that time I was looking at my coffeepot and
for the first time I really saw it. And you know how it is now, how I hear the
birds sing, and I look at people and they’re really there as people, and best of all,
I’m really there. And I’m not only there, but right now I’m here. The other day I
was standing in the art gallery looking at a picture, and a man came up and said,
“Gauguin is very nice, isn’t he?” So I said: “I like you too.” So we went out and
had a drink and he’s a very nice guy.’
This is presented as a Jerk-free, game-free conversation between two
autonomous Adults, with the following annotations: ‘I have a new project –
being on time.’ This announcement was made after the fact. The patient was
nearly always late. This time she wasn’t. If punctuality had been a resolution, an
act of ‘will power’, an imposition of the Parent on the Child, made only to be
broken, it would have been announced before the fact: ‘This is the last time I’ll
be late.’ That would have been an attempt to set up a game. Her announcement
was not. It was an Adult decision, a project, not a resolution. The patient
continued to be punctual.
‘I’ll try to cooperate.’ This was not a ‘supportive’ statement, nor the first
move in a new game of ‘I’m Only Trying to Help You.’ The patient’s hour came

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after the therapist’s coffee break. Since she was habitually late, he had fallen into
the habit of taking his time and getting back late himself. When she made her
declaration, he knew she meant it, and made his. The transaction was an Adult
contract which both of them kept, and not a Child teasing a Parental figure who
because of his position felt forced to be a ‘good daddy’ and say he would
cooperate.
‘I don’t care about you.’ This emphasizes that her punctuality is a decision,
and not a resolution to be exploited as part of a pseudo-compliant game.
‘Guess what grade I got.’ This is a pastime which both were aware of and
felt free to indulge in. There was no need for him to demonstrate how alert he
was by telling her it was a pastime, some thing she already knew, and there was
no need for her to refrain from playing it just because it was called a pastime.
‘B+.’ The therapist reckoned that in her case this was the only possible
grade, and there was no reason not to say so. False modesty or a fear of being
wrong might have led him to pretend that he did not know.
‘How did you know?’ This was an Adult question, not a game of ‘Gee
You’re Wonderful’, and it deserved a pertinent answer.
‘Yes, I had an A.’ This was the real test. The patient did not sulk with
rationalizations or pleas, but faced her Child squarely.
‘I like this conversation.’ This and the following semi-facetious remarks
were expressions of mutual Adult respect, with perhaps a little Parent-Child
pastime, which again was optional with both of them, and of which they were
both aware.
‘For the first time I really saw it.’ She is now entitled to her own kind of
awareness and is no longer obliged to see coffeepots and people the way her
parents told her to. ‘Right now I’m here.’ She no longer lives in the future or the
past, but can discuss them briefly if it serves a useful purpose.
‘I said: “I like you too.” She is not obliged to waste time playing ‘Art
Gallery’ with the newcomer, although she could if she chose to.
The therapist, on his part, does not feel obliged to play ‘Psychiatry’. There
were several opportunities to bring up questions of defence, transference and
symbolic interpretation, but he was able to let these go by without feeling any
anxiety. It did seem worthwhile, however, to ascertain for future reference which
answers she crossed out on her examination. During the rest of the hour,
unfortunately, the 17 per cent of Jerk left in the patient and the 18 per cent left in
the therapist showed from time to time. In summary, the proceedings given
constitute an activity enlightened with some pastime.

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