him to solve the problem. She can repeatedly let him know how much she appreciates the little
things he has done for her and that he works hard and attentively.
She can remember that his forgetting to do the little things doesn't mean he doesn't love her but
that he has become too focused on big things again. Instead of fighting him or punishing him,
she can encourage his personal involvement by asking for his support. With more appreciation
and encouragement a man will gradually learn to value the little things as well as the big. He
will become less driven to be more and more successful and begin to relax more and spend
more time with his wife and family.
REDIRECTING ENERGY AND ATTENTION
I remember when I first learned to redirect my energies into the little things. When Bonnie and
I were first married, I was almost a workaholic. In addition to writing books and teaching
seminars, I had a counceling practice for fifty hours a week. In the first year of our marriage,
she let me know again and again how much she needed more time with me. Repeatedly she
would share her feelings of abandonment and hurt.
112
Sometimes she would share her feelings in a letter. We call this a Love Letter. It always ends
with love and includes feelings of anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow. In chapter 11 we will
explore more deeply the methods and importance of writing these Love Letters. She wrote this
Love Letter about my spending too much time at work.
Dear John,
I'm writing you this letter to share with you my feelings. I don't mean to tell you what to do. I
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
