The first approach is to recognize that he is wrong in taking away your points. In a respectful
way let him know how you feel. In the next chapter we will explore ways to express difficult or
negative feelings.
The second approach is to recognize he takes away points when he feels unloved and hurt and
he immediately gives them back when he feels loved and supported. As he feels more and
more loved for the little things he does, he will gradually give penalty points less and less. Try
to understand the different ways he needs love so that he doesn't get hurt as much.
When you are able to recognize how he has been hurt, let him know that you are sorry. Most
important, then give him the love he didn't get. If he feels unappreciated, give him the
appreciation he needs; if he feels rejected or manipulated, give him the acceptance he needs; if
he feels mistrusted, give him the trust he needs; if he feels put down, give him the admiration
that he needs; if he feels disapproval, give him the approval he needs and deserves. When a
man feels loved he will quit using penalty points.
The most difficult part of the above process is knowing what hurt him. For the most part, when
a man withdraws into his cave, he doesn't know what hurt him. Then, when he comes out, he
generally doesn't talk about it. How is a woman supposed to know what actually hurts his
feelings? Reading this book and understanding how men need love differently is a good
beginning and gives you an edge that women have never had before.
The other way a woman can learn what happened is through communication. As I have
mentioned before, the more a woman is able to open up and share her feelings in a respectful
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