cool off and become centered again. If it is too difficult to listen to their feelings, encourage
them to write you a Love Letter before you talk about what was so upsetting.
A Healing Letter
Understanding how your past affects your present reactions helps you heal your feelings. If
your partner has upset you in some way, write them a Love Letter, and while you are writing
ask yourself how this relates to your past. As you write you may find memories coming up
from your past and discover that you are really upset with your own mother or father. At this
point continue writing but now address your letter to your parent. Then write a loving
Response Letter. Share this letter with your partner.
They will like hearing your letter. It feels great when your partner takes responsibility for the
90 percent of their hurt that comes from the past. Without this understanding of our past we
tend to blame our partners, or at least they feel blamed.
If you want your partner to be more sensitive to your feelings, let them experience the painful
feelings of your past. Then they can understand your sensitivities. Love Letters are an excellent
opportunity to do this.
YOU ARE NEVER UPSET FOR THE REASON YOU THINK
As you practice writing Love Letters and exploring your feelings you will begin to discover that
generally you are upset for different reasons than you first think. By experiencing and feeling
the deeper reasons, negativity tends to disappear. Just as we suddenly can be gripped by
negative emotions we can also suddenly release them. These are a few examples:
1. One morning Jim woke up feeling annoyed with his partner. Whatever she did disturbed
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