being blocked.
Instinctively you will want to either run away from love or increase your addictions. This is the
time to work on your feelings and not run away. When deep feelings come up you would be
very wise to get the help of a therapist.
When deep feelings come up, we project our feelings onto our partner. If we did not feel safe to
express our feelings to our parents or a past partner, all of a sudden we cannot get in touch with
our feelings in the presence of our present partner. At this point, no matter how supportive your
partner is, when you are with your partner you will not feel safe. Feelings will be blocked.
It is a paradox: because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to
surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel. Your fear
may even make you numb. When this happens the feelings that are coming up get stuck.
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This is when having a counselor or therapist is tremendously helpful. When you are with
someone you are not projecting your fears on, you can process the feelings that are coming up.
But if you are only with your partner, you may feel numb.
This is why people with even very loving relationships may inevitably need the help of a
therapist. Sharing in support groups also has this liberating effect. Being with others whom we
don't know intimately but who are supportive creates an opening for our wounded feelings to
be shared.
When our unresolved feelings are being projected on our intimate partner, he or she is
powerless to help us. All our partner can do is encourage us to get support. Understanding how
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