love. Sometimes love flows easily and automatically; at other times it requires effort.
Sometimes our hearts are full and at other times we are empty. We must not expect our partners
to always be loving or even to remember how to be loving. We must also give ourselves this
gift of understanding and not expect to remember everything we have learned about being
loving.
169
The process of learning requires not only hearing and applying but also forgetting and then
remembering again. Throughout this
book you have learned things that your parents could not teach you. They did not know. But
now that you know, please be realistic. Give yourself permission to keep making mistakes.
Many of the new insights you have gained will be forgotten for a time.
Education theory states that to learn something new we need to hear it two hundred times. We
cannot expect ourselves (or our partners) to remember all of the new insights in this book. We
must be patient and appreciative of their every little step. It takes time to work with these ideas
and integrate them into your life.
Not only do we need to hear it two hundred times but we also need to unlearn what we have
learned in the past. We are not innocent children learning how to have successful relationships.
We have been programmed by our parents, by the culture we have grown up in, and by our
own painful past experiences. Integrating this new wisdom of having loving relationships is a
new challenge. You are a pioneer. You are traveling in new territory. Expect to be lost
sometimes. Expect your partner to he lost. Use this guide as a map to lead you through
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