they have done something terribly wrong. They need gradually to learn that if you just let men
go into their caves, after a while they will come out and everything will be fine.
This lesson is difficult for women because on Venus one of the golden rules was never to
abandon a friend when she was upset. It just doesn't seem loving to abandon her favorite
Martian when he is upset. Because she cares for him, a woman wants to come into his cave and
offer him help.
In addition, she often mistakenly assumes that if she could ask him lots of questions about
how he is feeling and he a good listener, then he would feel better. This only upsets Martians
more. She instinctively wants to support him in the way that she would want to be supported.
Her intentions are good, but the outcome is counterproductive.
Both men and women need to stop offering the method of caring they would prefer and start to
learn the different ways their partners think, feel, and react.
Why Men Go Into Their Caves
Men go into their caves or become quiet for a variety of reasons.
1. He needs to think about a problem and find a practical solution to the problem.
2. He doesn't have an answer to a question or a problem. Men were never taught to say "Gee, I
don't have an answer. I need to go into my cave and find one." Other men assume he is doing
just that when he becomes quiet.
3. He has become upset or stressed. At such times he needs to be alone to cool off and find his
control again. He doesn't want to do or say anything he might regret.
4. He needs to find himself. This fourth reason becomes very important when men are in love.
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