John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

fight. The following chart reveals how men and women unknowingly create arguments and 
suggests healthy alternatives. 
 

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In each of the types of arguments listed below I first provide a rhetorical question that a 
woman might ask and then show how a man might interpret that question. Then I show how a 
man might explain himself and how a woman could feel invalidated by what she hears. Finally 
I suggest how men and women can express themselves to be more supportive and avoid 
arguments. 
 
 
THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT 
 
1. When He Comes Home Late 
 
Her Rhetorical Question 
The Message He Hears 
When he arrives late she says "How could you be 
so late?" or "Why didn't you call?" or "What am I 
supposed to think?" 
The message he hears is "There is no good reason 
for you to be late! You are irresponsible. I would 
never be late. I am better than you."
What He Explains 
The Message She Hears 
When he arrives late and she is upset he explains 
"There was a lot of traffic on the bridge- or 
"Sometimes life can't be the way you want" or 
"You can't expect me to always be on time." 
What she hears is "You shouldn't be upset because 
I have these good and logical reasons for being 
late. Anyway my work is more important than 
you, and you are too demanding!" 
How She Can Be Less Disapproving 
How He Can be More Validating 
She could say " I really don't like it when you are 
late. It is upsetting to me. I would really 
appreciate a call next time you are going to be 
late." 
He says "I was late, I'm sorry I upset you." Most 
important is to just listen without explaining 
much. Try to understand and validate what she 
needs to feel loved.