Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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spouse, unwilling to let them do the least little thing on their own. This can be a terrible 
mistake, for no matter how much you may love that other person, you cannot change him or 
her into you. There will be all sorts of things that your partner would like to do, which he or 
she may not feel they can do once they get married. This is a great pity, and brings loss into 
the relationship rather than gain. 
Try to organise your life together so that you do have some space that is your own, 
and some activities which are your own too. This could become of vital importance if the 
husband is one of those Muslims who starts spending more and more time away on that most 
innocent of pleasures-his time at the mosque. Two things are important-firstly, that 
the wife can accept cheerfully that he does want to go, and that it is good for him to 
do so; and secondly that the husband does not make his trips out to the mosque an 
excuse to neglect his wife and family. 
The teaching of the Blessed Prophet was quite clear on this score-a man who 
neglected his wife was not the 'best of Muslims' and was not scoring 'good points' for 
himself by his long hours away from her and his family even if he was busily saying 
extra voluntary prayers. Such prayers can be said at home. It is real neglect if he is 
still behaving like a single man, and is just socialising with his male friends! Once 
again, a really abandoned wife might find consolation in the realisation that she will be 
earning merit for coping with this distressing situation. He, of course, will be building 
up sins of omission for which he will one day be called to account. 
Try not to nag. This only gives the nagged partner an extra excuse to stay away-
to avoid the nagging! The Prophet Suleiman (P.B.U.H) once said 'a nagging wife is like 
water endlessly dripping.' 
Women are often more emotional than men, and more inclined to give vent to 
their feelings when they are upset about something, and they may also feel that this is 
the only weapon they have. But this kind of emotional pressure only alienates 
husbands, it does not solve the problem. It is simply a wife's duty as a Muslimah to 
point out both sides of the situation, and leave her partner to draw his own 
conclusions, and take the responsibility for 
his own action, or lack of it. 
Think, and be compassionate, before your criticise. Before a wife wonders 
where her romantic suitor has vanished to, now that her husband takes her for 
granted, she should try to understand that he may be stressed and working hard in 
today's demanding workplace to be a good provider, and struggling with his new 
responsibilities. Likewise, before a husband wonders ` what has happened to the 
glamorous young lady he married, who has 'changed, now that she has got her man,' 
notice whether she is working hard to cook and clean, and gets tired and does not 
have as much time to spend on looking attractive as before. Empathy and patient 
understanding are virtues that no marriage can flourish without. 
This business of patience really leads us on to the next important quality in a 
marriage-trust. If you do not fully trust your partner, then your marriage is already 
failing. Worse, if you happen to know for certain that they will let you down, or do 
something you will not like, then they are deliberately attacking the foundations of 
your relationship. 
Life-partners should have a faithfulness towards each other that no-one can 
challenge-whether another woman or man, or a member of the family, or a person at 
work, or at the mosque. In the world outside people will say and do all sorts of things 
for all sorts of motives; often they try to upset a happy marriage for no other reason 
than it is happy-this being a form of destructive jealousy. If you know your partner 
fully, and know their character, then you should be able to trust implicitly that they will 
not behave in a manner that would let you down, and that if they are accused of having 
done this, then the accusation is false. 
Even, if the worst came to the worst, and the accusation was not false, and on this 
occasion your spouse had let you down, if you trust your partner you will know that he or 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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