Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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Allah has taught that although a good wife will always be hospitable, a Muslim 
should not enter another's house before seeking permission (24:27-8), even from those 
very close to him or her-for people in their homes may be in a state of dress or mood in 
which they do not wish to be seen. The Prophet (P.B.U.H) ( # t ) said that if a man arrived 
home earlier than expected he should wait, so that 'the woman who has not dressed may 
have time to smarten herself, and one whose husband was away might take a bath and 
become neat and clean.' (Bukhari) 
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) taught that it was wrong to bang loudly on a door, for 
someone might be asleep or ill inside the house. Furthermore, unexpected callers should not 
persist if they suspect the householders do not wish to answer them. If there is no response 
after knocking (or ringing) three times, the Prophet (t P.B.U.H t) instructed that the caller 
should tactfully leave. 
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) was exceedingly generous, and encouraged Muslims to be 
similarly generous to guests, letting them stay overnight if need be-but he limited this 
automatic right of hospitality to three days. The principle is that no guest should stay so 
long as to become a nuisance or a burden. He said: 
'The entertainment of a guest is three days, but unstinting kindness and courtesy is for 
a day and a night. It is not permitted for a Muslim to stay with his brother until he makes 
him sinful.?' They said: 'O Messenger of God! How would he make him sinful?' He replied: 'By 
staying with him so long that no provisions are left with which to entertain him.' 
In normal circumstances, a good Muslim wife should never be totally unprepared, or 
caught without some 
thing to offer as hospitality. At the least, the guest should be able to expect 'pot luck,' a 
simple drink and cake or biscuit; but should then go and not linger excessively. The sunnah 
of the Prophet makes it quite clear that he always advised giving proper warning when a 
guest was coming, so that the wife could have things ready, and not be shamed by the 
thoughtlessness of her husband. 
The second quality needed in a Muslim home is commitment. This means commitment 
from both partners, of course. It must be obvious even to newlyweds that people cannot go 
through life without annoying each other, irritating each other, letting each other down in 
all sorts of ways, and making mistakes. Commitment means that when things start to go 
wrong, neither partner will give up and run away. 
In many parts of the world marriages are quickly broken because the partners take the 
view that if it doesn't work out, then they'll end it. They regard their marriages as 
conditional. Where that viewpoint exists, the marriage is almost doomed from the start, 
and generally produces pain and heartache. 
Threatening to walk out is a kind of blackmail that can have dire consequences. It 
brings insecurity, making the partner who is to be left behind convinced that the other does 
not really love them. It puts the nasty sneak feeling of being abandoned in the back of the 
listener's mind. It is especially dangerous to make this kind of threat if 'walking out' means 
abandoning someone who cannot cope on their own, or returning to a foreign country. 
Once two people have committed themselves to each other, they should move 
mountains in order to stay together, rather than let silly things come between them. A 
good rule is never to go to bed in anger with a quarrel unresolved. Sometimes proud 
people find it incredibly difficult to make 'peace terms' with each other when they have 
fallen out; in a good marriage some kind of code or signalling is sometimes an enormous 
help. You do not feel like falling at the feet of your spouse in abject apology, but you do 
not wish to prolong hostilities. A pet word, or phrase or gesture is what is needed as a kind 
of 'white flag'; when it is recognised, it gives a chance to cool down and restore good 
humor. My own husband (fresh from Pakistan) and I used to have blazing rows over all 
sorts of things which often got quite frightening for me; but I always knew when the 'rough 
wind' was blowing over when he grunted that I was a 'bloody Englishwoman'! It was hardly 
a compliment, but it was my little signal that peace was on its way, and sure enough, our 
arms were around each other before very long-even if neither side refused to give in! 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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