Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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to type. It is vitally important for husband and wife to see the other person as he or 
she really is, and also to be honest in presenting their true selves to their partners. 
Marriages based on fantasy, fakery and illusion are doomed. 
 
3 What is a Good Muslim Marriage Like? 
'You shall not enter Paradise until you have faith, and you shall not have faith 
until you love one another. Have compassion on those who are on earth, and He Who is 
in Heaven will have compassion for you.' (Hadith in Bukhari) 
Firstly, a good Muslim marriage should show welcome. Even if the wife did not 
spend all her day in the home, but perhaps had some employment outside it even so, 
the Muslim home should be ready to welcome the family and the guest. 
It is the most miserable thing in the world to come home to a dark, locked 
house, totally empty and bereft of human presence-and this is particularly crushing to 
a new husband or a child. Any wife thinking of taking up some kind of employment 
should bear this in mind. Where children are involved, she should make some 
arrangement with a relative or helper so that they do not build up a mental picture of 
a home where they 'don't count, 'where they do not feel welcome. As regards a 
husband, as he is an adult he should not ignore the problems, but be able to talk the 
thing through and see what the difficulties are, and be able to support the best 
possible solution that is acceptable to them both. 
In an Islamic marriage, both husband and wife have responsibilities and duties, 
and both are individuals responsible before God for their own Records. Neither has the 
right to impose or force the other to do something against religion, or to make the 
other suffer. 
It is no good, of course, the husband simply feeling 'hard done-by' if he wishes to 
accept the wife's earnings as part of the total income of the household, but then 
makes a fuss if it is he who returns to the house first, and who might, perhaps, be 
expected in that case to light the oven or make the tea! Obviously, if the wife returns 
before the husband, it is she who gets the 'dark emptiness,' and she is naturally 
expected to accept this as part of the way things are. To some extent, it is not really 
'part of the way things are' any more, in a society where the women are increasingly 
joining the men as part of the country's workforce. This has to be acknowledged. 
The correct Islamic attitude should always be to seek out the best way, and not 
insist on any code of conduct that is going to upset either partner, or make either 
partner suffer unfairly. It means that sometimes a husband may have to take the rough 
with the smooth, or it may mean that the wife may find it better for her marriage not 
to take full-time employment, if this threatens to put too much strain on the marriage. 
Everything should be considered fairly and openly. 
It is patently not all right to expect a highly intelligent woman to sit around at 
home wasting her life's talents by limiting herself to housework alone. It is true that 
there is serious unemployment in many Muslim societies, and a major influx of women into 
the jobs market would make this much worse and leave many families without one 
breadwinner, let alone two. But it is also true that the Muslim world is crying out for female 
doctors, nurses, lecturers and so forth, and these women have to undergo considerable 
sacrifice in order to get themselves trained, and expect to be able to offer their services to 
the community in much the same way as a trained man. It is not the duty of a Muslim man 
to be selfish and deprive the community of these talented and dedicated women, and 
expect them to limit themselves to the service of just one man. So many men take the 
talents of their wives for granted, and stultify their possible development, which is such a 
great pity, and a tragedy for society. 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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