Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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The third vital quality is sense of humour, something our Blessed Prophet 
(P.B.U.H) understood very well. No marriage will survive without it. The ability to see 
the funny side of things has saved sanity and avoided bloodshed in many a tricky 
situation. One of the lovely things about a successful marriage is that when the storm 
clouds have blown over, one can often look back and laugh at whatever it was that had 
seemed such a serious and vital matter at the time. A sense of humour helps a person to 
keep things in perspective. 
It helps one to cope when your mother-in-law is breathing heavily down your neck, 
or when some eminent visitor has called unexpectedly and caught you at your worst; it 
helps you to cope with that apparent law of nature (actually a trial) that if it is possible 
for a thing to go wrong or get worse it will choose the most inconvenient (and public) 
moment to do so. 
It helps you to look objectively at what went wrong, and put your failing into 
perspective; most of our human failings are pretty common, and shared by the vast 
majority of humanity. Sometimes things that seemed so serious to us at the time when 
they happened become just a story to be told with a laugh when you recount them later to 
others. 
The fourth quality is patience, which goes hand-inhand with tolerance and 
consideration. A Muslim learns to be patient in so many ways. In the early days and 
weeks of marriage, young couples are often impatient to have all the things that they 
were used to in their parents' homes but this is obviously unreasonable, unless you are 
very wealthy. Sometimes it took your parents a lifetime to collect up all their worldly bits 
and pieces. You are only just beginning, and you cannot have everything in the first five 
minutes. 
Sometimes the new husband complains that his wife can't cook like his mother. But 
how does he know how well his mother could cook when she first got married? It may be 
that his wife is actually doing better than she did! Sometimes a new wife complains that her 
husband isn't bringing in the money like her father used to. But how does she know how her 
father struggled when he first got married? 
If you are given everything without having to work for it, you will not value it and be 
thankful for it. Nobody would. It is important for your relationship that you grow together, 
and work together, and build up your home with its own particular atmosphere, together. 
There are two serious dangers here-a 'martyrdom' complex (the one doing all the work 
and making all the sacrifices and/or decisions), and a 'not-my-home' complex (the one who 
is left out, or who chooses not to get involved). If only one of you does all the work or all 
the planning, the other partner will never feel that he or she fully belongs, and may even 
become resentful-which seems so strange to the partner who has done all the donkey work 
'for" the other. Build your home together, so that its atmosphere is created by both of you, 
then neither side will be resentful or undervalue the sacrifice of the other. 
You are no longer a single person, but have a companion to share your life with. It 
takes time and effort to blend two lives together in harmony. Many romantic stories end 
when the couple get married and they live 'happily ever after.' In real life, the wedding is 
just the first chapter, and it is the living happily afterwards, day by day, that presents the 
challenge. There is not a lot of thrill in getting up early, going to work, doing the chores, 
and so on. 
Like a lot of people nowadays, you may have launched your marriage with 
expectations that were not very realistic; and when these were not met, you came down 
with a big dose of disappointment and dismay. Yes, it can come as a shock when you are no 
longer living alone (when you can do as you like), or with a family that you have been with 
all your life and are used to. You might suddenly discover that you don't know the new 
person you are with as well as you thought you did. The success of your marriage and your 
happiness will depend upon your willingness to make allowances, and adjust. 
Be tolerant with the other person's ways, likes and dislikes. Give the other person 
room. So many marriages are spoiled by wives or husbands clinging desperately on to their 
The Muslim Marriage Guide: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

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