Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

 
56
Ego (nafs).
 This is the biggest problem of all! Nothing in Islam is easy until the lower 
and selfish desires of the nafs are under control. Happiness and fulfillment in marriage 
come about through making sacrifices for the sake of spouse and children; and such 
sacrifices will be painful and perhaps even impossible if one's own ego regularly wins its 
battles against mind (aql) and spirit (ruh). 
There are many ways of controlling and weakening the nafs. The first is observing 
its activities, and cutting down on things it is strongly attached to, such as laziness, 
suspicion, or even certain types of food or TV programmes. Fasting can be a real help 
here. It is also important at then end of every day to think back over one's actions, and 
consider how to rectify obvious faults and acts of selfishness. Saying each prayer at the 
beginning of its time, and regularly reciting the Holy Qur'an and any wird or wazifa you 
may have, will also help to grind down the ego, and replace its darkness with light and 
ease in the heart. 
'And as for him who fears the standing before his Lord, and forbids his nafs its 
whim, assuredly the Garden shall be his place of refuge.' (79:40) 
Faking Orgasm. Many women do this because they are too shy to explain to a 
husband that he is doing something wrong. They do not want to hurt his feelings, or 
damage his self-respect. However, if a woman is never properly satisfied she will 
become frustrated and neurotic, and may be forced into unnecessary practice of 
masturbation in shameful secrecy. 
Fantasies. Almost everyone has these. Sexual fantasies in dreams are not sinful, 
just the workings of an active imagination. No-one could be held to blame for the 
content of their dreams, since this is out of their control. They are only harmful if they 
become a major part of your waking life so that they damage your partner, or turn into 
an obsession that makes a normal relationship difficult. 
A good Muslim will obviously try to live in reality, rather than in a fantasy. He or 
she will try to avoid consciously fantasising about something that is forbidden in Islam, 
even though thinking about doing something but not doing it is not considered a sin. 
Fantasies can sometimes prove useful as mental stimulants when a marriage is 
growing stale. But it is not always a good idea to reveal your fantasies to your partner-
they could well have a good laugh at your expense, or alternatively, feel threatened by 
them if they think that the spouse is getting bored or disappointed, or deranged!