Microsoft Word Marriage Guide doc

Source: 
www.al-islamforall@org
 
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should use a miswak, the soft stick which Muslims use to clean the teeth (Tabari, 
Baghawi) or even a handkerchief (Razi). 
A balance has to be struck between being a responsible male caring for a 
partner's earthly life and eternal fate (in trying to make her do the right thing), and 
allowing her the freedom to be herself-for in the end, her fate will be of her own 
making. It is obvious that when this permission was abused by violent men, the Prophet 
was very quick to listen to the complaints of the wives and rebuke the husbands. 
Ibn Sa'd, for instance, comments that 'the Prophet (P.B.U.H) had always 
persisted in his opposition to the beating of women. And men came to him to complain 
about their women; then he gave them permission, but said: "I cannot bear to see a 
quick-tempered man hit his wife in a fit of anger." ' (Ibn Sa'd.) 
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) also said: 'How can any one of you beat his wife as he 
might beat a camel, and then expect to embrace her at night?' (Bukhari and Muslim) 
According to other hadiths, he appears to have forbidden the beating of women 
completely: 'Do not beat Allah's handmaidens!' (Abu Daud, Nasa'i, Ibn Maja, al-Hakim.) 
Put together, all these sources suggest that beating, if it has to be done at all, 
should be a last resort to punish a wife for some major sin, such as adultery. It is the 
final manifestation of the husband's authority, not the first; a deterrent aimed at holding 
the marriage together but a deterrent most likely to fail and cause hatred and fear. 
Daughters. 
In some Muslim cultures influenced by non-Islamic traditions, these are 
welcomed less than sons. This attitude is condemned by Allah. Islam criticises the pre-
Islamic Arabs by saying: 
'When one of them receives the good news of (the birth of) a female, his face 
remains darkened, and he is angry within. He hides himself from the people because of the 
evil of that of which he has been given good news shall: he keep her in contempt, or bury 
her beneath the earth? Evil indeed is their judgment.' (16:58) 
'A man who has three daughters, and who maintains them and treats them well 
until God makes them independent of him, to him God will grant the Garden irrevocably, 
unless he commits an act which is unforgivable.' (Hadith from Khara'iti) 
'A man should not be too overjoyed at getting a boy, or unduly sad when he is given a 
girl, for he cannot know which of them will turn out to be the greater blessing for him. How 
many fathers of sons wish they had had none at all, or girls instead! In fact, girls give more 
peace, and the reward they bring from God is more bountiful.' (Al-Ghazali )